Road Trip to Hell
by Smoocher of Evil
Summary: Seto and Mokuba are going on vacation to New York. However, Mokuba has gone and invited the whole YuGiOh gang. Can Seto survive without killing everyone? Lots of pairing including some yaoi
1. One: To New York Or Bust

Disclaimer: YG does not belong to me. (Hey that rhymes!)   
  
A/N: Hello! I wrote this story a long time ago, *pre-Love Is All Around* My friends say it's good and they've been bugging me about posting it for weeks. So, here it is. Please don't hate me!   
  
Chapter One: To New York or bust  
  
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I can't stand this anymore!" Seto Kaiba yelled as he slammed the door of his huge mansion. " All day long, Mister Kaiba, Mister Kaiba, Mister Kaiba!!! I need a holiday, a very long one. And I don't plan on returning from it. In fact I mean on it!"  
  
" Seto, have you been watching the Lord of the Rings again?" Mokuba Kaiba asked, his eyes wide with excitement.  
  
" Maybe." Seto said after a pause. " But I do mean it! Let's go on vacation!"  
  
" Hurray!" Mokuba yelled jumping up and hugging his big brother. " Thanks Seto!" * Aw!!!! Brotherly love is just too cute! *   
  
" Now Mokuba," Seto said. " You can invite ONE friend okay? ONE friend. Repeat after me, ONE friend!"  
  
" One friend." Mokuba repeated, smiling mischievously.  
  
" No!" Seto said shaking his head. " ONE friend!"   
  
" ONE friend." Mokuba repeated, smiling mischievously… again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Yugi! YUGI!!! YUGI!!!" Mokuba yelled running up to the multicolored haired boy that was taller then Mokuba only because he's hair stuck up at least two feet. " Seto and I are going to New York and he said I could bring you with me!"  
  
" Really?" Yugi said. " That's great! Hey guys! We're going to New York!"  
  
" Whoa!" Joey Wheeler yelled, giving Tristan a high five. " New York!"  
  
" This should be fun!" Tristan added.   
  
" How did you get the money to bring us all to New York, Yugi?" Ryou asked him. * Always so polite isn't he? *   
  
" Oh, I'm not paying for it. Kaiba is!" Yugi said.  
  
" Kaiba?" Joey yelled, stopping his victory dance mid-kick/twirl. " Seto Kaiba? CEO of Kaibacorp Seto Kaiba?"  
  
" Who else?" Yugi said. Joey stood, frozen still mid-kick/twirl for a second then shrugged.  
  
" Well, a free trips a free trip." And he began to dance again.  
  
" But guys!" Mokuba said. " Seto said that…" His mischief smile returned. " He wants Marik to come too."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Mokuba Kaiba! You are so dead when I get my hands on you!" Seto Kaiba yelled, storming into his office. He had just run into Yugi, Tea, and Bakura. They told him how happy they were to be going to New York with him and Mokuba. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, a small migraine coming on.  
  
" Mister Kaiba." His secretary's voice squeaked out of the intercom on his desk. " Someone is here to visit you."   
  
" Let him in." Seto groaned, swallowing an Advil, without water. Oh yeah, he was a tough man. * I still love you Seto, even if I am torturing you! * Joey and Tristan walked into his office.  
  
" Oh God!" Seto groaned again, his migraine growing. " What now?"  
  
" We just realized something!" Joey yelled at him. " You don't want us coming to New York do you?"  
  
" Your observation skills astound me." Seto replied dryly. " I take it now that you'll kindly refrain from bothering me further?"  
  
" No." Tristan said. " We came to make sure we still could go."  
  
" And what do you think you can do to make me let you come with me?" Seto asked, trying his best to look intimidating.  
  
" Hmm." Joey said. " This is a nice stack of papers you got here. It would be a shame if someone… shuffled them!" And he rearranged the papers, spreading them out across the table.  
  
" Humph!" Seto grunted. " I can easily rearrange them again."  
  
" Oh really?" Joey said. He nodded towards Tristan who pulled out his handy-dandy… STAPLE GUN and stapled the mismatched papers together. (1)   
  
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seto screamed, dropping to his knees and clutching his head. " WHY?"   
  
" So, can we come?" Joey asked. Seto nodded his head weakly, defeated.  
  
" Yes, now just go. I need to be alone for awhile." He said, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N:   
  
Smoochie: Please read and review and be gentle! I'm fragile!  
  
Seto: Why are you doing this? I thought you weren't publishing this on the net?  
  
Smoochie :... Shut up!!!  
  
Bakura: Yeah! Leave her alone!  
  
Smoochie: Thank you Bakura. * Gives him a hug. Bakura sticks his tongue out at Seto *  
  
Seto: Suck up  
  
Smoochie: Anyways read and review please! Though I think only Hufflepuff Goddess and Dragon Tamer will read this.  
  
Bakura: That's really sad!  
  
Smoochie: That's it! Seto's my favorite again! * Hugs Seto who sticks his tongue out at Bakura. *   
  
Bakura: Suck up.  
  
1: This whole scene came from The Simpson's. I love that show! You'll find a lot of quotes from them in here!  
  
In the next chapter Seto and the Yu-Gi-Oh gang go looking for their new vehicle. Includes more staple guns and hyper Kaiba brothers. 


	2. Cash, Credit Cards, Cars, oh my!

Chapter Two: Cash, Credit Cards, Cars, oh my!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except this plot really. And of course, Seto Kaiba and Ryou who I've got tied up in the basement!  
  
Also, I do not own the Simpson's (who's quotes will randomly pop up throughout this fic)  
  
  
  
Seto stood at the car rental company the next day with Mokuba, and not to his pleasure, Ryou, Yami Bakura, Yugi, Yami Yugi, Marik, Malik, Joey, Tristan, and Tea.   
  
" Wow Seto!" Mokuba cried dragging him to a dark red convertible. " Can we get that one?"   
  
" Mokuba!" Seto sighed. " We can't afford something like that. The only people who can afford stuff like that are guys who are Chief Executives of Offices of big companies like me. Guys like me, I'm a guy like me!" (1) Seto jumped up in excitement, clicking his heels together * sorry but I really can't see him doing that! * He jumped up and down, barely able to control his happiness.   
  
" I'm going to get a convertible! A convertible! LA, LA, LA!!!" Suddenly he stopped, peering around to make sure no one could see him then… " A convertible! LA, LA, LA!!!" (2)   
  
" Um, Seto." Mokuba said, looking at the cramp car. " I don't think we can fit everyone in there." Seto stopped, mid-kick/twirl. * Wow! Déjà vu! * Seto cursed in Japanese as to not contaminate Mokuba's sensitive ears.   
  
" What car could everyone fit in?" he asked, not really wanting to now the answer. Mokuba smiled softly.   
  
" It's actually quite nice, I'm sure you'll just … love it," he said, leading him towards the only car to fit them all in.   
  
" No!" Seto screamed. " No, no, no, no, no!!!" He was jumping up and down, stomping his feat just like a little kid standing before the large van.   
  
" Oh come on Seto!" Mokuba whined.  
  
" NO!!!" Seto screamed. " I refuse to pay money for this, this, death trap on wheels!"   
  
" Why not?" Mokuba asked him.  
  
" Because!" Seto sputtered. " I-I-I-It looks like a bake potato on wheels!"   
  
* Hee! I like baked potatoes! We're having those for dinner… okay, back to the story! *   
  
" Well," Mokuba sighed. " I guess we can take the bus."   
  
" The bus?" Seto repeated. " Like I'm a, a, a, commoner?"   
  
" It's that or the van." Mokuba replied smiling again.   
  
" Now Seto will rent the van." He thought.  
  
" The next bus to New York leaves in a couple of minutes." The teller told Kaiba, handing him their bus tickets. Mokuba stood, leaning against the wall, muttering to himself.   
  
" Thank you." Seto said, giving a rare smile, melting the teller's heart. He winked and she slumped to the ground into a dead faint. Seto smiled as he straightened his trench coat.  
  
" Yep." He thought happily to himself. " I still got it."   
  
" The bus?" Joey yelled. " Money-bags is taking us to New York in a bus? LIKE COMMONERS?" Mokuba had to stifle a laugh at his Seto like reaction.   
  
" He refused to rent the van." Yugi told him.  
  
" That creep!" Joey yelled. " I'm going to so get him!" Tristan smiled, wiping out his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN!!!   
  
" No Joey." Yugi said. " It's Seto's vacation and we are intruding. Whatever he decides is final." Tristan's smile faded and he put his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN away.   
  
" Oh," Seto said coming towards them. " You guys want to go buy your tickets now." Yugi glared at the retreating back of Seto.  
  
" Tristan." He muttered teeth clenched. " Get the stapler gun back out." Tristan's smile reappeared as he yet again whipped out his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN!!!   
  
Seto sat in his seat his head resting against the window. A fine line of droll was dripping down his chin. Yugi and the rest of the gang laughed.   
  
" Shush!" Tea hissed. " You'll wake him up!" They were dumping package after package of sugar into Seto's coffee cup.  
  
Seto yawned and stretched.   
  
" Good morning Seto." Mokuba said sweetly. " Do you want some coffee?"   
  
" Sure." Seto said taking the cup and drinking it quickly. " Hmm. It's a bit sugary." He shrugged and downed the whole cup in one swig. Everyone began to giggle evilly behind his or her hands.  
  
A/N:  
  
Queen E: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! * Begins to cough unaccountably. Clear throat* Okay!  
  
Seto: Evil women! I thought I was your favorite!  
  
Bakura: Hee hee hee!   
  
Seto: You die now! * Tackles Bakura *  
  
Queen E: Stop it guys! Besides, I wouldn't laugh Bakura. You don't know what I've got in store for you.  
  
Seto: Hee hee hee.  
  
Bakura: * sweat drop *  
  
1: This is, again, from the Simpson's. Sorry I keep having to do this but I don't want to get sued.   
  
2: My buddy Judy did this once! You'll find a lot of stuff that my friends and I said to each other throughout the story.  
  
In the next chapter Seto and Mokuba go nuts, and there is Bakura/Ryou yaoi-ness! (yum, yum) 


	3. Too much Sugar

Chapter Three  
  
TO MUCH SUGAR!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Simpson's, or Fairly Odd-Parents, BUT I WILL SOMEDAY!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  
  
* Gets dragged off stage by men in white coats *  
  
A/N: I'm back everyone! Thanks for all the reviews lately! I really appreciate them!   
  
This stuff is great! Where did it come from?" Seto asked, bouncing up and down in his seat.  
  
" Columbia." Joey sighed angrily. Seto had been like this for an hour now and he already was ready to strangle him.  
  
" Wow! We should go there and get some!" he said, drinking more coffee. (1)  
  
" Give me that!" Joey yelled yanking the cup from his hands. " No more coffee for you!" Mokuba takes another drink from his own sugar filled cup of coffee.  
  
" Where did you get that?" Ryou asked panic rising in his voice.  
  
" Internet." (2) Mokuba said after a beat. * Hee Hee and ha! *   
  
" Oh great!" Yami Bakura said to Ryou. " Now we have to deal with two hyper Kaiba's."  
  
" Llama!" Seto screamed jumping out of his seat.  
  
" GET DOWN!" Joey whispered rather loudly * which is hard to do * and yanking Seto back into his seat.  
  
" Llama!" Mokuba screamed as well, jumping onto Yami Bakura's lap to get a better look. Bakura glared at Ryou. He hated children and Kaiba's and now both of these things were sitting in his lap.  
  
" Don't worry." Ryou whispered into Bakura's ear. " I'll make this trip worth it tonight." Bakura glared back at him and whispered.  
  
" This better be the best damn sex ever Ryou or you're a dead man!"   
  
" I don't see the Llama." Yugi said, standing on his sit to get a good look.   
  
* Ha!!! Get it? He's short! HA HA HA!!! * Pause * my humor is wasted on you people! *   
  
" He's right there! Next to the man with the straw hat." Mokuba said, pointing.  
  
" Hey." Seto said. " Were did the man with the straw hat go?"  
  
" Oh god the llama ate the man with the straw hat!" Mokuba screamed.  
  
" Ah! DEMON LLAMA!" (3) Both of the Kaiba's screamed in unison. The driver hushed them instantly. Joey shook his head. Tristan nodded his head towards his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN in his hand then nodded his head at Seto and smiled. Joey shook his head hesitantly. Tristan's smile faded and he put his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN back into his pocket.   
  
Seto had been kept quite for a few minutes now by staring idly out the window. He was playing a game Joey called; look for the moon in the middle of the day! Everyone was basking in the silence, wondering how long it was going to last. Joey himself was just about to fall asleep when a hand reached over and nudged him.  
  
" Joey?" Seto asked. Joey decided to ignore him. " Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey? Joey!" Finally Joey couldn't stand it.  
  
" What?" He yelled, causing Seto to shrink back into his seat. " What is it?" Joey asked, his voice now more calm.  
  
" Hi." Seto said, raising his hand. *This happens to my friend all the time!* Joey ground his teeth together again. Once again he looked back at Tristan who nodded at his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN then at Seto and smiled. Joey shook his head once again. Tristan's smile faded and he put his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN back into his pocket.  
  
Mokuba had crashed finally in the worst possible place… YAMI BAKURA'S LAP!!! * Dun, dun, dun! *  
  
" Ryou!" Bakura growled dangerously. Ryou smiled sympathetically.  
  
" At least it's quite." He suggested.  
  
" Best damn sex ever!" Bakura said through gritted teeth.   
  
Seto had finally gotten up the courage to go over to Joey again. He tapped him gently. Joey looked up. If he said hi, he swore he would kill him.  
  
* Gee! Déjà vu again! *  
  
" Tag!" he said. Joey rolled his eyes and poked him back.  
  
" Tag." He whispered.   
  
" You can't tag me!" Seto yelled. " There are no tag backs!" Joey glared at Seto, then reached over and tapped Tea gently on the shoulder.  
  
" Tag." He said. Tea reached over and tagged Tristan.   
  
" Tag." She whispered. Tristan turned around and tagged Bakura.  
  
" Tag." He said. Yami Bakura reached over and tagged Ryou.  
  
" Tag." He whispered, careful not to wake up Mokuba. Ryou leaned across the row and tagged Yugi.  
  
" Tag." He whispered. Yugi reached over and tagged Yami Yugi.  
  
" Tag." He whispered. Yami Yugi leaned foreword and tagged Seto again.  
  
" Tag." He said. Seto giggled and tagged the person in front of him, Marik.  
  
" Tag." He giggled. Marik tagged the person next to him, Malik.  
  
" Tag." He whispered. Malik reached across the seat and tagged the person next to him, a bald Algebra teacher. * Who happens to be named Mr. Stevens! ^_^ *  
  
" Tag." He whispered. Mr. Stevens stood up and tagged the person in front of him, and girl with long ash-blonde hair and green eyes named Alexis.  
  
" Tag." Mr. Stevens whispered. Alexis put her bookmark into her book, Shadows of a Dark Queen, and tagged her friend with long brown hair named Judith. * I told you I'd out you in! *   
  
" Tag." Alexis whispered. Judith stood up and tagged the person in front of her. Unfortunately this was the bus driver.  
  
" Tag!" she screamed into his ears. The bus driver turned around and glared at her.   
  
" Behind the line lady." He yelled. Everyone sat back down, in absolute silence. Joey felt someone tap his shoulder gently again.   
  
" Tag." Seto whispered to him.  
  
A/N  
  
Smoocher of Evil: * laughing hysterically! * That was priceless!!!  
  
Bakura: She's lost it.  
  
Seto: Totally!   
  
Smoocher of Evil: Tell me what you think so far please. * Begins to crack up again! * PRICELESS!!!  
  
Seto and Bakura: * hold up signs that say, HELP US PLEASE!!! *  
  
(1)This is from Fairly Oddparents!  
  
(2) Fairly Oddparents again!  
  
(3)This is from The Empirers New Groove.  
  
In the next chapter, Seto get's friendly with someone, and Joey drives the bus! 


	4. Runaway Bus!

A/N: Hello! I'm back! Some more yaoi coming you're way so heads up! Also, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed! They make me all warm and happy inside!   
  
Chapter Four RUNAWAY BUS!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Fine! Just rub it into my face that I'm don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, The Simpson's, or Shrek! I DON'T CARE!!!  
  
Finally Seto had fallen asleep. Unfortunately, his head was resting on Joey's shoulder. Well, it was finally quite. Suddenly, the pretty girl in front of Mr. Stevens began to cry.   
  
" No!" She sobbed. * By the way, this is Alexis crying. * " No!!!" She began to cry loudly. Seto woke up instantly. Everyone was staring at the crying girl, not sure what to do. Judith was patting her back gently but it wasn't helping much. Seto, grumbling about amateurs, got up and held her in his arms.   
  
" Shush." He whispered. " It's okay." He cradled her gently in his arms. Finally her sobs stopped. Seto smiled as she leaned back.  
  
" There." He said, holding her chin up. " You look much prettier when you're not crying. Now what had you so upset?"   
  
" My favorite character just died!" (1) She explained. Seto smiled gently at her.  
  
" I'm so sorry." He said.   
  
" Thank you." Alexis told him, smiling. Seto returned to his seat, looking smug.  
  
" THAT WAS FABULOUS SETO!" Joey screamed, and suddenly he lunged foreword and kissed Seto right on the lips.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Joey woke up with a start. Everyone in the bus was asleep, Seto, with his head still on his shoulder. Joey shook his head. What a weird dream!   
  
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" You call this food?" Seto complained loudly the next morning. The bus driver's grip tightened on the wheel.  
  
" Yeah!" Marik complained. " And these seats are so uncomfortable."  
  
" And could it kill you to turn the air conditioner on?" Yami Bakura complained.   
  
" It's an oven in here!"  
  
" Um, excuse me but aren't you driving to close to that car in front of us? And I do believe we're going above the speed limit. And you just cut that jeep off. You must not have been driving to long!" Tea said, leaning into the bus driver.   
  
" That's it!" The bus driver screamed, not being able to take it any longer. He jumped up and began to run into the door repeatedly. Ryou politely got up and opened the door for him. The bus driver ran from the bus screaming about crazy teenagers.  
  
" Why did you let him out?" Alexis asked Ryou.   
  
" I didn't know he would run!" Ryou said in his defense.  
  
" Well!" Alexis said. " Your first clue should have been the way he was running into the door repeatedly!"   
  
" Hey!" Judith yelled. " Don't blame it all on him!"  
  
" Oh shut up!" Alexis yelled. " You're only sticking up for him cause you think he's hot!" Judith and Ryou both blushed.  
  
" Well you think that he's hot!" Judith yelled, pointing at Seto. Bakura jumped up from his seat.  
  
" Stay away from my boyfriend!" he yelled.  
  
" B-B-B-Boyfriend?" Judith stuttered. Alexis began to crack up.   
  
" You really know how to pick them don't you?" she laughed.  
  
" Shut up!" Judith yelled, blushing more.   
  
" Everyone stop!" Seto yelled jumping up. " One, do you really think I'm hot?" Alexis nodded her head. Seto smiled and scribbled his number on a piece of paper. " If we make it out of here alive, call me. Two, does anyone know how to drive a bus?" No body raised their hands, except Joey.  
  
" Oh! I do! I do!" he cried.   
  
" Does anybody else know how to drive a bus?" Seto asked. No one said anything. " Fine." (2) Joey jumped up and began to drive to the drivers seat. Seto sat down quickly.  
  
" I think it would be best if you sat with me." Seto told Alexis. Alexis nodded and sat down in Joey's vacant seat. Judith sat down next to Tristan.  
  
" Are you gay too?" she asked him.  
  
" Nope. I'm perfectly normal." Tristan told her.  
  
" Good." Judith said, leaning back in her seat.  
  
" Would you like to see my handy-dandy … STAPLER GUN? Her name is Katharine." Judith looked nervously over to Alexis who shrugged.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The bus jumped up and down, speeding WAY above the speed limit. Alexis had her eyes closed, her head buried into Seto's shoulder.  
  
" Wow!" Malik yelled as they hit another bump. " This is like speed two but with a bus!" (3)  
  
" We're going to die aren't we?" Alexis whispered into Seto's ear.  
  
" Yes, yes we are." Seto told her, clutching to her hand.  
  
" Then I better do this while I can!" Alexis captured Seto's lips into a fabulous kiss.  
  
" Why couldn't I have met you before?" Seto asked, and the two kissed ferociously again. Judith rolled her eyes and looked over at Tristan, who was stroking his handy-dandy … notebook! * Ha! Got you! It's really he's handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN!!! *  
  
Joey took a quick turn and the bus tumbled over. Screams pierced the air, none higher the Yami Bakura's though. * Oh! My poor Baki-kins! *   
  
" Are we still alive?" Judith asked suddenly. She turned her head and saw Alexis and Seto making out. " Yep, still alive!"   
  
" I'm going to kill you Joey!" Yami Bakura yelled. Ryou pulled him back down, kissing him on the lips.  
  
" Why don't we celebrate making it out alive by, making out?" * that sounds funny! Sorry! * He asked.  
  
" Best damn sex ever!" Bakura growled, kissing Ryou back. Judith sighed and looked next to her to see Tristan cradling his handy-dandy… STAPLER GUN to his chest.  
  
" I love you!" he whispered to it.   
  
A/N  
  
Seto: Yeah! I'm not gay!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Yet.  
  
Seto: * Stops mid-kick/twirl, wow, déjà vu again! * Yet?  
  
Bakura: Ha!  
  
Seto: Well you're gay right now!  
  
Bakura: * stops laughing. * Hey! He's right! * Glares at Smoocher of Evil. *  
  
Smoocher of Evil: *backs up * hee. * Turns and runs for life. * Tell me what you think so far guys!  
  
(1) This happens to me all the time! I read a book and my favorite character dies and I just want to cry sometimes!  
  
(2) This is from Shrek, one of the funniest movies ever made!  
  
(3) Yet another Simpson's quote! ^_^  
  
In the next chapter, Seto and Alexis get to make out some more and the gang hitchhikes! And will Bakura ever get the "best damn sex ever" Ryou promised him? YOU GOT TO READ ON TO FIND OUT! 


	5. Hitchhiking and Love

A/N: Hello! I'm back! Thanks for the reviews again! ^_^ Ok, I was watching a newer episode of Yu-Gi-Oh, and I found myself wonder, WHAT IS IN ALL THOSE POCKETS ON MARIK? I mean, they all look really full to me. Oh, and I still don't think that Seto accused Mokuba for slipping secrets on purpose. It just doesn't sound like my Seto!  
  
Chapter five: Hitchhiking and love  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN YU-GI-OH, FAIRLY ODD PARENTS, AND THAT 70 SHOW! BUT I DON'T CARE CAUSE THERE'S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! Also, part of this story was inspired by the fan fiction The Trip! You can find it in my Favorite Story section!   
  
Alexis and Seto! For god's sake, get a room!" Joey yelled. Seto waved his hand dismissing this and continued to make out with Alexis. They were leaning up against the tipped over bus. The others were trying to desperately hitchhike.   
  
" WHY WON'T ANYONE STOP?" Ryou yelled, jumping up and down. * So not out of character for him huh? * Alexis finally pushed Seto back; her lips bruised from the hour long kisses.  
  
" Finally find out oxygen is vital to live?" Tea said angrily.  
  
" It is?" Joey and Tristan said in unison. * Ha and hee!!! * Alexis rolled her eyes.  
  
" Do you want my help at all or not friendship girl?" she said.   
  
" Go Lexie!" Judith yelled. Alexis turned and smiled at her friend, all forgiven at once. * God, that is so me and my friend! Wait, Alexis and Judith are me and my friend! I'm scared! *   
  
" I can hitchhike by myself thanks." Tea said haughtily. She walked to the side of the rode and stuck her bare leg out. All the cars driving by speed up. Everyone began to laugh, even Yugi and Ryou. (This idea was inspired from the story The Trip! A EXCELANT ROAD TRIP STORY BY THE WAY!  
  
" Move over." Alexis said, shoving Tea to one side. She rolled up her skirt showing off a long tan leg. Twelve cars stopped instantly. Alexis smiled as she looked at the eager men. " Take your pick." She said smiling sweetly.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" So you're a world champion in duel monsters?" Alexis said.   
  
" Actually I'm the world champion of duel monsters." Seto said.   
  
" Wow!" Alexis said, leaning into the booth. " That is so cool and oddly attractive."  
  
" Yeah." Seto said, acting all modest. " Actually to my friends I'm known as the King of Games."   
  
" Wow!" Alexis said, leaning into the table again. " That is so sexy."  
  
" Oh no, well yeah, I guess it is isn't it?" Seto sighed.  
  
" Want to go make out in the girls bathroom?" Alexis suggested.  
  
" Sure." The two jumped up and were gone in a second. Judith rolled her eyes and turned back to the waiter she was flirting with a YOUTHFUL BLONDE!!!   
  
* Now, who is a youthful blonde that's name starts with an O, Judy? *  
  
" This is dumb!" Joey complained. " What are we going to do?"  
  
" What are we going to do?" Yami Bakura complained. " This is all your fault!"  
  
" Easy Bakura." Ryou whispered to him.  
  
" BEST DAMN SEX EVER!" Bakura said through gritted teeth.   
  
" Well if Seto wasn't always trying to stick his tongue all the way down Alexis's throat he could help us plan!" Tea complained.  
  
" Is someone jealous?" Yugi teased.  
  
" OF SETO? Yuck!" Tea said.  
  
" Hey! That's my brother, friendship girl!" Mokuba yelled. Seto and Alexis reemerged from the girl's bathroom, hands in each other's pockets.  
  
" So," Seto said sitting down, arms wrapped around Alexis. " How are we going to get to New York?"  
  
" New York!" Alexis squealed. " I'm going to Chicago!"   
  
" You mean we can't be together anymore?" Seto gasped. The two started at each other misty-eyed for a second before kissing fiercely.  
  
" Never forget me." She whispered. She stood up and grabbed her purse.  
  
" Come on Judy. We're going." She called.  
  
" Goodbye Owyn!" Judith yelled, holding her hand out as Alexis dragged her away. * Don't worry; you'll see Owyn again soon Jud! ^_~ *   
  
" So," Seto said turning back. " What are we going to do?"  
  
" We need money. Lots of money." Yugi said. Everyone looked at him.  
  
" What?" he yelled. " Can't I ever be selfish?"  
  
" Okay," Seto said slowly. " How are we going to get his money?"   
  
" Well you see," Joey said. " There are a couple of things we need to know. What, where, and who?" Suddenly a paper fell from the sky that said:  
  
Strip Club Contest  
  
At the building across the street  
  
Win and get $ 500!  
  
" The answers are that, there, and Seto!" (1) Ryou yelled excitedly.  
  
" What?" Seto said. " Did I miss something here?"  
  
" Oh come on Seto!" Mokuba pleaded.  
  
" Yeah!" Ryou pleaded. " You're the best looking person here anyways!"   
  
" Well I guess I am!" Seto said looking in a mirror he happened to have.  
  
" Were did you get that?" Mokuba asked him.  
  
" Internet." (2) Seto answered. * Wow! Déjà vu again! *  
  
" So it's official!" Yami Yugi said. " Seto will strip to get us some money!"   
  
" Yeah!" Everyone cheered, raising his or her glass.  
  
A/N:  
  
Smoochie: * giggling into hand * Seto gets to strip!  
  
Seto: * blushing * please don't get too descriptive please?  
  
Smoochie: Don't worry; no one wants to read about that!  
  
Bakura: * laughing * No one wants to read about you stripping but Lexie!  
  
Smoochie: Besides, I'll get you another girl at the end of it.  
  
Seto: Can we make out?  
  
Smoochie: Sure. Seto: Okay! Let's get this over with!   
  
1: This came from That 70 show.  
  
2: This is Fairly Odd parents again.  
  
NEXT CHAPTER: Seto strips! Yami gets accused of being gay and Seto gets to make out with someone new (big surprise there). And will Bakura finally get the best damn sex ever? 


	6. Stripping and Love

A/N: I want to give a few special thanks to my reviewers, first of all, my friends Hufflepuff Goddess and Dragon Tamer, YOU BOTH SO TOTALLY ROCK! Also, Female-Yami/Yugi and Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru for all the reviews you guys gave me and finally Re-14 and Ty-Chan26 for putting me on their author alerts. YOU GUYS ARE THE COOLEST!!!  
  
Chapter Six: Stripping and Love Again!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! But if I did! Things would be different!   
  
  
  
" I can't do this!" Seto said. He was trembling with fear.   
  
" Sure you can!" Joey said. He was giving the tense brunette a neck massage.  
  
" Just go out there and shake what God gave you!" Ryou said. * Really, really, really, REALLY can't see Ryou saying that though! *   
  
" Oh God! I can't do this!" Seto groaned putting his head in his hands.  
  
" Don't worry Seto." Malik told him, parting his shoulder. " There's thousands of girls out there who are ready to throw their panties at you."  
  
" OH GOD!!!" Seto groaned.   
  
" Nice going Malik!" Bakura hissed. " Look! Seto, if you do this, we are all in your debt."  
  
" Really?" Seto said, sitting up. " That sounds good. That sounds really good! I'm in!" Seto jumped up and made his way to the stage. The others turned and smiled to themselves.   
  
" Let's go get front row sits." Ryou said, smiling.   
  
" Yeah!" Mokuba screamed. Everyone looked down at him.  
  
" Sorry, Mokuba." Yami Yugi said. " But Seto made it clear he doesn't want you in here."  
  
" But I want to see my brother!" Mokuba cried.   
  
" I'll go with you Mokuba." Yugi said. Mokuba stopped crying instantly.  
  
" Okay! Let's play hot wheels!" * HOT WHEELS ARE EVIL!!! * And the two ran off.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Bakura was shaking his head in absolute disgust. " This is what you mortals found entertaining?"   
  
" Well, not this in particular." Ryou said watching the worse looking women or man * he wasn't too sure about what the gender was * left the stage. Bakura shook his head again.  
  
" Best damn sex ever!" he repeated.   
  
Finally Seto came out, wearing black leather pants and a silky blue shirt.  
  
" Wowsa!" the girl in front of Ryou declared. " He's hot!" She had ash blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.  
  
" After that last guy everyone looks hot Kat." Her friend said, shaking her head. She had brown hair and hazel eyes.   
  
" Guy?" Kat said. " I thought that was a women." They both shrugged and turned back to the show.  
  
Meanwhile, Joey had pulled out his camera and began to snap away. Yami Yugi yelled out for Seto in encouragement earning him strange looks from the people around him.  
  
" What," he said, blushing deeply. " He's my friend!"  
  
" Don't worry Yami!" Ryou said. " It's nothing to be embarrassed about! Lot's of people are gay!"   
  
" I'm not gay!" Yami told them. Ryou nodded sympathetically.  
  
" You just keep telling yourself that and when you're ready to talk I'll be here," he said, tapping his hand affectionately. Meanwhile, Seto had so far removed his shirt and thrown it into the audience. There was a mad dash as the girls dived for it but finally Kat jumped up victorious, clutching it to her chest.  
  
" TAKE IT OFF!" a chorus of girls screamed, including Kat. Her friend rolled her eyes and began to read. Seto smiled and slowly undid his pants, much to the audiences' joy. Kat was practically hyperventilating. Her friend kept reading though.  
  
" Isn't this fun Chris?" she yelled, jumping up and down.  
  
" Oh yeah." Chris said, not taking her eyes up from her book. Kat rolled her eyes and began to cheer for Seto, who was now throwing his pants into the audience as well, which hit Chris in the head. She yanked it off and handed it to Kat who practically fainted in joy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Vroom! Vroom!" Mokuba and Yugi said, rolling their hot wheels across the dirt rode outside.  
  
" Whoa!" Joey yelled as they walked back out.  
  
" Go Seto! It's your birthday! We're going to party like it's your birthday!" the rest of the gang sang.  
  
" Did you win?" Yugi asked standing up. Seto waved the 500 in his face.  
  
" Seto practically gave that girl in front of me a heart attack!" Ryou said, punching him playfully on the arm. Seto grinned.   
  
" Hey," a timid voice said. Seto turned to see the love struck girl in front of Ryou. Her hair was curling slightly at the bottom and her jean jacket was open showing a rather reveling halter-top. She was giving him a breathtaking smile. Behind her, stood her friend, Christie or Chris for short. She was rolling her eyes at Kat. " I'm Katrina. You were fabulous out there."  
  
" Thanks," Seto said and the two of them were smooching instantly.  
  
" Where's Téa?" Ryou asked looking around.  
  
" She's hitchhiking back to Domino City," (1) Yugi explained, looking at the money hanging from Seto's hand greedily. He edged towards it but at the moment Seto shoved Katrina back into the side of the wall and his hand disappeared behind her.   
  
" Dang it!" he muttered.   
  
" Yugi," Joey said, putting a hand on his shoulder. " I think you're becoming a kleptomaniac." * A kleptomaniac is someone who has kleptomania, which is an abnormal, irresistible desire to steal, especially things which one does not need or cannot use, just FYI! *   
  
" You're a kleptomaniac!" Yugi yelled shoving his hand off his. Tristan tapped Joey on the shoulder and nodded towards his handy dandy… STAPLER GUN in his hand then nodded towards Yugi who was currently stealing a bike lock * just the lock! Not the bike! * Joey shook his head no again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Seto! COME UP FOR AIR FOR GODS SAKE!" Yami Yugi yelled. Seto waved his hand dismissing him and continued to make out with Katrina.  
  
" What is with women here?" Bakura growled. " They're all over Seto!"  
  
" I know!" Chris complained.   
  
" Coffee?" the hot waiter who was a YOUTHFUL BLONDE asked her. * I told you Owyn would be back! *   
  
" No thanks." Chris said. " But I'll take you, now, in the girls bathroom."  
  
" Okay!" Owyn said and the two disappeared instantly. Bakura shook his head and looked back at Katrina and Seto. She was sitting in his lap now, and it looked like she was trying to suck the fillings out Seto's mouth.  
  
" Best damn sex ever." He muttered to himself.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N:  
  
Seto: GO ME!! GO ME!! GO-GO-GO ME!!!   
  
Smoocher of Evil: See! Not to descriptive and you got a girl. All is right in the world.  
  
Bakura: WHEN AM I GOING TO GET THIS BEST DAMN SEX EVER?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: When we check into a motel room! I've told you a thousand times! Bakura: When are we going to go to the motel room?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Well if you keep bugging me, never. But if you get me Burger King I'll make it the next chapter.  
  
Bakura: * reaches behind him a pulls out a Burger King bag * Here you go.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Where'd you get that?  
  
Bakura: Internet.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: * shrugs * Works for me!   
  
(1) Sorry, but I couldn't keep writing Téa! It hurts me to much to type her name! I CAN'T EVEN DRINK TEA ANYMORE!!!   
  
Next Chapter: The gang meets two reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally weird girls who drive a red convertible and Bakura FINALLY gets the best damn sex ever! 


	7. Billy! Don't be a hero!

Chapter Seven: Billy! Don't be a hero!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did Tea would have been dead long ago!!!  
  
A/N A special thanks to Shadow's Girl12, Hufflepuff Goddess, Female-Yami/Yugi, and Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru for reviewing! Reviews make me feel all nice and fuzzy inside!!!  
  
Seto and Katrina will you stop for a few seconds so we can pick out rooms!" Ryou asked them. The two finally broke apart, lips bruised slightly.  
  
" I'm staying with Katrina." Seto demanded.  
  
" He doesn't get to pick his room!" Joey yelled.  
  
" I won us the money. I get the room." Seto argued.  
  
" Fine! Seto and Katrina get their own room." Yugi sighed and the two of them were gone instantly.  
  
" Teenagers!" Bakura grumbled. " Is all they think about is sex?" Everyone stared at Bakura.  
  
" What?" he yelled. " You're lucky Ryou promised me the best damn sex ever or you would all be dead!" Yugi shook his head.  
  
" I guess then Ryou and Bakura should have their own room to have the 'best damn sex ever' before Bakura kills us all." Yugi said, and the two disappeared instantly too.  
  
" Okay!" Joey said. " I say the rest of the rooms are decided by Rock, paper, scissors!" Everyone put his or her fists into the pile.  
  
" Rock, paper, scissors!" they all yelled. Chris ended up staying with Joey, *which caused her to blush and begin to giggle *, Yugi with Mokuba, * can you say hot wheels utopia? * Tristan with Yami Yugi, * NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! * And Malik with Marik * I'm not making any promises about those two! *   
  
The next morning everyone looked completely worn out but Yami and Tristan. Katrina and Seto had stayed up all night … well you know what they were doing. Chris and Joey were doing the same thing, * bad Judy! * Same with Marik and Malik, Mokuba and Yugi had stayed up all night playing with their hot wheels, and we all know that Bakura and Ryou were having the ' best damn sex ever' finally.   
  
" Guys," Seto said as they sat down. " I have decided that we should go to Chicago instead of New York! It's much more um, educational for us and um, New York is so over rated anymore and um…"  
  
" Kat's going to Chicago too huh?" Malik said.  
  
" I swear it's like a babe magnet or something!" Seto complained putting his head on the table.   
  
" Sorry guys." Kat said. " But I got to get back to Chicago. I'm suppose to be in the chorus line tonight."  
  
" What about you Chris?" Joey asked her.  
  
" I need to go to." Chris told him. " I should get back to my husband and my kid. I left to go get ice cream and never get back. That was about a month ago."(1) Kat and Chris kissed their lovers' goodbye before leaving.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
" Now how did we do this last time?" Joey asked, as yet another car passed them by.  
  
" Alexis rolled up her skirt and showed off her leg." Ryou told him.  
  
" Oh yeah." Joey said, looking dreamily. " Man she was hot!"   
  
" Yeah." Seto agreed. " Damn you Chicago!"   
  
" How are we going to get cars to stop without a hot girl?" Yugi asked.  
  
" I got an idea." Marik said. He got up and took off his shirt. A speeding convertible slammed on their breaks in front of them.  
  
" Hello." The passenger said, pushing her sunglasses down to get a better look at them. " Where are you guys heading?"  
  
" New York." Ryou told them.   
  
" Darn it." The driver said. " We're heading out to South Carolina."  
  
" But we would love to give you guys a ride if it will help."  
  
" Thanks!" Marik said. " But there's not enough room for all of us!"  
  
" Well," the passenger said. " We can fit four into our car. And some of our friends are heading there too. They'll give the rest of you guys a ride."   
  
" Thanks!" Marik told them. He turned to look at the others. " Okay, Seto, Ryou, Bakura and me will ride with them okay?" The others nodded their heads and Seto, Ryou, Bakura, and Marik climbed into the back of the candy apple red convertible.   
  
" By the way," the passenger said turning around to shake their hands.   
  
" I'm Elanor. And this is Legs." She jerked her head at the driver. (2)  
  
" Legs. That's a weird name." Marik said.  
  
" It's my nickname." Legs explained. " My real name is… um, god, people have been calling me Legs so long I don't remember my real name."  
  
" Do you guys have any music preferences?" Elanor asked them.  
  
" Anything." Ryou and Seto said.  
  
" Ancient Egyptian." Marik and Bakura answered. Ryou and Seto elbowed them painfully in the ribs.  
  
" We mean, anything." Bakura covered. Elanor favored them with a breathtaking smile. Legs cranked up the volume blasting out their music, which happened to be the song, " My ding-a-ling!"  
  
" My ding-a-ling! My ding-a-ling! I want you to play with my ding-a-ling!" Legs and Elanor sang, joining right in. Seto, Ryou, Bakura, and Marik looked at each other. These girls were nuts!  
  
" The marching band came down along Main Street  
  
The soldier blues fell in behind  
  
I looked across and there I saw Billy  
  
Waiting to go and join the line  
  
And with a hand upon his shoulder  
  
His young and lovely fiancé  
  
From where I stood I saw she was crying  
  
And threw her tears I heard her say  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Don't be a fool with your life  
  
Billy don't be your hero  
  
Come back and make me your wife  
  
And as he started to go  
  
She said Billy keep your head low-ow-ow  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Come back to me  
  
The soldier blues were trapped on the hillside  
  
The battle raging all around  
  
The sergeant said we got to hang on boys  
  
We got to hold this piece of ground  
  
I need a volunteer to ride up  
  
And bring us back some extra men  
  
And Billy's hand was up in a moment  
  
Forgetting all the words she said  
  
Sheeeeeeeeee said  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Don't be a fool with your life  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Come back and make me your wife  
  
And as he starts to go she said  
  
Billy keep your head low-ow-ow  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Come back to me  
  
I herd his fiancé got a letter  
  
That told how Billy died that day  
  
The letter said that he was a hero  
  
She should be proud he died that way  
  
I heard she threw the letter awaaaay!"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Bakura banged his head on Ryou's shoulder, silently screaming. They had been listening to " Billy! Don't Be a Hero!" over and over again for the last three hours.  
  
" Billy's a moron isn't he?" Legs said turning to Elanor, who nodded her head.   
  
" We should do this more often." She told Legs.   
  
" Yeah." Legs said. " This is the life."  
  
" Riding with the top down!" the two of them said, in unison, bobbing their heads up and down then they gave each other high fives.   
  
" They're absolutely nuts!" Seto whispered to Ryou.  
  
" Tell me something I don't know." Ryou whispered back.  
  
" Their completely insane!" Bakura whispered to Seto.  
  
" Oh, look who's talking." Seto whispered back. Bakura glared at him.  
  
" Tell Ryou I said the best damn sex ever!" Bakura told him.  
  
A/N  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Billy! Don't be a hero! Don't be a fool with your life! (Do, do, do, do, do, do!) Billy! Don't be a hero! Come back and make me your wife!  
  
Seto: You are absolutely bonkers.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: But that's why you love me! Seto: Don't remind me!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Ha! YOU LOVE HER! YOU LOVE HER!  
  
Seto: You love Judith!   
  
Bakura: * sweat drops * Shut up!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Hey! That's my friend you're talking about! No best damn sex ever for you!  
  
Seto: HA! You don't get the best damn sex ever!  
  
Bakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
(1) This is from the Simpsons.  
  
(2) Okay, my friend and I took the names for Lord of the Rings and made them are own! I was Sam's daughter Elanor and she was Legolas. We called her Legs for short! THAT'S WERE THESE CAME FROM!!! 


	8. Doors are for losers

A/N: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! A special thanks to all my reviewers last chapter, Hufflepuff Goddess, Dragon Tamer, and Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru.  
  
Chapter eight: Doors are for losers!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! But I do own all the parts were Elanor and Legs do something dumb cause most of them are my own experiences!  
  
So, who's sharing a room with who tonight?" Marik asked them.   
  
" To go along with the plot I will stay with Elanor and have a make out feast!" Seto said.  
  
" Sounds good to me." Elanor said and her and Seto began to make out right then and there in the diner.  
  
" Get a room!" Marik told them.  
  
" Get a girl!" Seto yelled back.  
  
" Good idea." Marik said. " Want to stay with me Chris and have our own make out feast?"  
  
" Sure." Chris said.  
  
" Which means Ryou and Bakura stay together and not have the best damn sex ever because the wonderful, all powerful Smoocher of Evil has forbidden it!" Marik said. * Oh yes, revenge is so sweet! Ah! Burger King, the perfect side dish, for revenge! *   
  
" You just had to insult Judith didn't you?" Ryou complained. He stormed out of the dinner.  
  
" Look what you've done!" Bakura yelled. " Now I've got to go home to that!"   
  
" Dude," Marik said. " Who on Earth are you talking to?"  
  
" No one." Bakura said after a pause. * That's going to cost you too! The correct answer was the wonderful, magnificent, all-powerful, forgiving Smoocher of Evil who I admire greatly! *   
  
  
  
" Good morning Seto." Ryou said as Seto and Elanor came out of the bedroom. Seto had his arm wrapped around Elanor's waist and the two were smiling.  
  
"Make out feast good?" Bakura grumbled.  
  
" Didn't have one." Elanor told them. " Seto and I talked all night about how the government keeps screwing him over." (1) Seto smiled and nodded his head.  
  
" And then we listened to music." Elanor kissed him on the cheek.  
  
" I'm going to go find Legs." She said.   
  
" Don't be to long." Seto said and he kissed her gently on the lips.  
  
" Guys," he said sitting down. " I think I'm in love!"  
  
" Why? You didn't even make out with her!" Bakura asked.  
  
" There's more to love then making out!" Seto yelled at them.  
  
" There is?" Ryou and Bakura said in unison. * LOL!!! *  
  
" Ready to go?" Legs asked, walking to their table.  
  
" Sure." Seto said, jumping up and wrapping his arm around Elanor's waist.  
  
  
  
They walked out to the shiny, candy apple red convertible.  
  
" Nice red convertible by the way." Ryou said. * Nice going but that's not going to help you're Yami! *   
  
" Thanks." Legs said.  
  
" Yeah!" Elanor said. " As I always say, if you get a red convertible it's got to be red!" Legs rolled her eyes but Elanor just jumped into the passenger seat without opening the door.  
  
" You guys don't use the doors?" Bakura asked, starting at the car with something close to fear reflecting in his eyes. * Legs drives real fast! ^_^ *   
  
" Duh!" Elanor laughed.   
  
" Yeah!" Legs said. " Doors are for losers!" And she went to jump in like Elanor but instead she tripped and fell headfirst in.  
  
" OW! I think I've broken my leg." Elanor stifled a laugh. Seto smiled at her as he climbed into the car, not using the door cause, Kaiba's are not losers!   
  
* Hey! Seto is not a loser! He's got the coolest gadgets ever! He's like James Bond! Only in anime! * Legs finally got back up and began to drive off. Elanor reached over and turned the radio on.  
  
" Billy don't be a hero  
  
Don't be a fool with your life  
  
Billy don't be your hero  
  
Come back and make me your wife  
  
And as he started to go  
  
She said Billy keep your head low-ow-ow  
  
Billy don't be a hero  
  
Come back to me."  
  
" It's our song!" Seto and Elanor yelled in unison and began to sing along with Legs.   
  
" He's gone to the dark side!" Bakura turned to whisper to Ryou but Ryou was sitting there singing alone as well. " RYOU!!!"  
" What? It grows on you!" Ryou declared. * MAKE FUN OF MY FRIEND WILLS YOU!!! *  
  
  
  
" I'm driving!" Legs yelled out the window as a car drove by.  
  
" What is she doing?" Seto asked Elanor. Elanor had switched spots with Marik so she was now sitting in the backseat with Seto. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulder.  
  
" She's been doing this since we got our licenses." She explained. " Her parents thought we would never get it so she informs everyone incase they know her parents so the word can get back." Seto smiled as he began to nuzzle her neck.  
  
" I love you." He whispered. Elanor smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
" I love you too." She said. The both of them began to kiss when they heard a siren and saw flashing lights. Legs stopped her car suddenly.  
  
" What do you think you're doing?" the officer asked.  
  
" I'm driving!" Legs told him, flashing a smile. " And you must have been going 120/mph to catch up with us! Good job!"   
  
" Why were you driving so fast?" The officer asked them.  
  
" We had to catch up with the traffic!" Elanor told him from the backseat.  
  
" There's no traffic around here." The cop told her, looking at the deserted road.   
  
" See how far behind we are?" Elanor said. Legs shook her head from the front seat.  
  
" Well," the officer sighed. " I'm going to let you off with a warning."  
  
" Oh god job officer! The cop yesterday gave me a warning too!"   
  
" What?" the officer asked.  
  
" She said thank you officer!" Ryou said, covering Legs mouth. Legs gave him a heart-stopping smile.  
  
" You're welcome miss." He said, heading back to his car.  
  
" You are one smooth talker, Legs!" Legs told herself.  
  
Legs swerved into the parking lot of a nearby Village Inn, nearly running over a pedestrian. * A person who goes on foot; a walker. *   
  
" What the hell!" The pedestrian yelled at them. " Why are you driving like that?"   
  
" We don't speak English!" Elanor said, thinking fast.  
  
The man left, shaking his head and complaining under his breath about hormonally charged teenagers.   
  
" You are so smart!" Seto told Elanor kissing her again. Elanor smiled.  
  
" Seto," she said. " You do know that this is our last night together right?"   
  
" I know!" Seto sighed. " But I will never forget you."  
  
" And I'll never forget you!" Elanor said and they kissed.  
  
" Where's Elanor?" Ryou asked as Seto came down for breakfast the next morning.  
  
" Who?" Seto asked, taking a bite of his food. " Oh her! Her and Legs left this morning for South Carolina."  
  
" I guess then we wait here for the others." Ryou said. " Wonder how their trips going." At that moment, Tristan, Malik, Mokuba, Yami Yugi, Yugi, and Joey entered the room, soaking wet.   
  
" How could you leave us alone with those women?" Joey yelled at them. Tristan was holding his handy dandy … STAPLER GUN menacingly at them. " They were insane!"  
  
" Well Elanor and Legs weren't exactly the sanest people in the world!" Bakura argued back.  
  
" Did they make you ride in a garbage truck?" Malik yelled.  
  
" Hey Seto!" Mokuba said, sitting down in his brother's lap. " That was fun! I got to sit up front in the truck and we listened to " Billy! Don't be a hero!"   
  
" Billy?" Seto choked. " That was our song!" And he began to cry.  
  
A/N:  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Billy! Don't be a hero. Don't be a fool with your life  
  
Bakura: Will you shut up?  
  
Seto and Smoocher of Evil: Billy! Don't be your hero. Come back and make me your wife!  
  
Bakura: You two are insane! Smoocher of Evil: Sing or you won't get your best damn sex back again in the next chapter!   
  
Bakura: * Pause * She said Billy keep your head low-ow-ow! Billy! Don't be a hero  
  
Come back to me.  
  
(1) This is from the Simpson's,   
  
NEXT UPDATE ON YU-GI-OH: A old friend of Seto's returns, and wackiness ensues. Oh, and Mokuba is forced feed Night-Quill. 


	9. Give it up, cause now I'm back

Chapter nine: Give it up! Cause now I'm back!  
  
Disclaimer: I still do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! I will one day, but not now!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Seto and Mokuba. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TURN THEM INTO STONE! WHY? WHY? WHY?!?  
  
  
  
" Do you know I haven't made out with a girl in a whole chapter… or err, day! Yes, that will do nicely!" Seto told them as they sat at the Village Inn table.   
  
" Oh no!" Everyone said together.   
  
" I know!" Seto said. " Maybe I don't * gasp * have it anymore!"  
  
" NO!!!" Everyone screamed together.  
  
" Seto? Seto Kaiba?" Seto spun around and saw Alexis standing behind him. " Oh my God!"   
  
" Alexis?" Seto said jumping to his feet. He grabbed her and kissed her on the lips. Alexis fainted into his arms. He smiled at the others.  
  
" Nope! Still got it!"   
  
" I hate you Ryou!" Bakura screamed suddenly. Everyone looked up at him. " You don't respect me anymore! Y-Y-Y-You don't love me anymore!"  
  
" That's not true Bakura! I love you!" Ryou said.  
  
" Well you don't act like it anymore!" Bakura cried.   
  
" What do you mean?" Ryou asked.  
  
" I saw you flirting with the pool boy! Don't deny it!"  
  
" I wasn't flirting!"  
  
" I told you not to deny it! I saw you fluttering your eyes at him!"  
  
" I had something in my eye!" Ryou said.  
  
" Lies! They're all lies!" Bakura cried and he got up and stormed off. All was silent.  
  
" So," Malik said after awhile. " You're back? Why?"  
  
" Alexis kept going on about how she missed Seto." Judy said, rolling her eyes. Bakura came up to her, looking all bashful.   
  
" Um, girl! The one who liked Ryou." He said. " I killed a rat for you."   
  
" Oh!" Judy cooed. " That's so sweet!" She looked around to find something. She saw Mokuba playing with his hot wheels happily humming a song. She snatched it from him. Mokuba looked up, his eyes filling up with tears and his bottom lip quivering. * YOU MADE MY MOKUBA CRY!!! YOU DIE NOW! *   
  
" I made a kid cry for you." Judy told Bakura and the two kissed. Meanwhile, Alexis had woken up and she was now trying to get Mokuba to stop crying with Seto.  
  
"JUDITH NESPOLI! GIVE HIM THE DAMN CAR BACK!!!" Alexis screamed, holding the screaming Mokuba in her arms.  
  
" Yes ma'am." Judith said, handing the car to Mokuba, who stopped crying but still sniffled occasionally. Seto and Alexis sighed and sat down in the booth, Mokuba sitting on Alexis's lap playing with his hot wheel happily again.   
  
" What a lapdog!" Joey muttered.   
  
" Shut up!" Judith and Alexis said together. Seto rolled his eyes.  
  
" Look who's talking." He whispered.  
  
" Judy isn't a lapdog!" Alexis said.  
  
" Yeah!" Judith said. " It makes me angry when people call me a lapdog, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."  
  
" Judy." Alexis said, her voice sounding warning. " Calm down. Go to your happy place, your super, happy, fun, cool, place." Judith sighed, obviously more relaxed.  
  
" So, Alexis." Seto said, putting his arm around her shoulder. " I thought you were going to Chicago."  
  
" We are." Alexis said, playing with Mokuba now. " But I had to see you one more time, besides I think I left my bra in that motel room." Seto began to smile.  
  
" We should go look for it then."   
  
" Okay." Alexis said. " After Mokuba is asleep."   
  
" Hey Mokuba." Seto said, temptingly. " Want some Night-Quill?"  
  
" Seto!" Alexis said, smacking his arm, but smiling all the same.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In a matter of seconds Mokuba was fast asleep.   
  
" Could you watch him for us, Ryou?" Alexis asked as her and Seto got ready to leave.  
  
" I guess so." Ryou sighed unhappily, staring sadly at Bakura and Judith, who were reading a book called. " Taking over the world for morons."   
  
" Oh Ryou!" Alexis sighed, wrapping her arms around him.   
  
" Come on, Alexis." Seto said impatiently. Alexis glared at Seto.   
  
" We can't leave Mokuba alone with Ryou! He's depressed!"  
  
" Fine! Will leave him with Yugi!" Alexis gave him a funny look. Yugi was currently trying to steal everybody's left shoe. (1)  
  
" Okay, Tristan." Alexis gave him another funny look. Tristan was currently holding his handy dandy… STAPLER GUN to his chest whispering sweet nothings to it.  
  
" Joey?" Seto suggested. Joey was currently having an eating contest with Malik and Marik.  
  
" Fine!" Seto growled, sitting down and patting Ryou on the back.  
  
" He's just doing it to make you jealous Ryou." Alexis told him.  
  
" So I should find a girl to make him jealous with right?" Ryou sniffled.  
  
" Well, I guess you could but…" Ryou kissing Alexis right on the lips cutting off the rest of the sentence. Seto turned bright red and he ran foreword yanking them apart and punching Ryou. Bakura was at his feet instantly. He jumped onto Seto and brought him to the ground were he continued pummeling him.  
  
" Get off him!" Alexis screamed trying to pull him off Seto. Bakura threw her back into the arms of a waiter, named Gorath.   
  
" Hey!" Judy yelled jumping to her feet and tackling Bakura herself.  
  
" Oh Bakura!" Ryou cried. " You do love me!"   
  
" Are you alright?" Gorath asked Alexis.   
  
" I am now." She said, smiling at him. The two began to kiss while the others rolled around on the ground, punching, kicking, and biting.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Seto," Yugi asked, once everything had settled down. " Where's Alexis?" Seto sighed. He had a black eye and was nursing a sore jaw.  
  
" She ran off to marry Gorath and have two kids named Nathaniel and Super Fly in Chicago." He sighed.  
  
" I'm sorry Seto." Joey said.  
  
" I guess it wasn't meant to be." Seto sighed. * BUT IT IS!!! COME BACK TO ME SETO! I LOVE YOU! Ahem, sorry about that! *  
  
" I love you Bakura." Ryou told Bakura, as he held an ice pack to the lump on the back of his head, thanks to Judy. * YOU HURT BAKURA!!! ALERT THE   
  
MEDIA! *   
  
" I love you Ryou." He said, and the two kissed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N:  
  
Smoocher of Evil: * sighs * How sweet! Bakura: I love this chapter! Except for how I didn't get any best damn sex ever still!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: You have to earn it back with major butt kissing Baki-kins.   
  
Seto: What the hell? Alexis shows back up and I still end up with no one?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: It's cause you're in love with someone else! DUH! Seto: Oh! Wait a second; I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL RIGHT?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Maybe… * smiles innocently *   
  
Bakura: Where's my left shoe?   
  
(1) This is from Lilo and Stitch  
  
Next Chapter: The boys play STRIP POKER with some unsuspecting girls. Will Seto finally make out with someone??? TUNE IN NEXT UPDATE! 


	10. Strip Poker

Smoocher of Evil: HELLO! ^_^  
  
Hufflepuff Goddess: Yay-ness for the updating!!!!  
  
Smoochie: H.G is helping me do a little author note thingy mikjigger… YEAH!  
  
Huff: How come you don't have a beta????  
  
Smoochie: A beta? A beta? I DON'T NEED NO STIKEN BETA!  
  
Huff: "STIKEN"????? what the heck???? You're just proving my point!!!!! It's skinking…..  
  
Smoochie: Oh, look who's talking! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I can't get this right! WHY WONT YOU TYPE YOU STUPID KEYBOARD!!!  
  
Huff: "Stinkin' "….. And "won't" and "KEYBOARD????????" stupid keyboard…. Why won't your keyboard type, Smoochie????  
  
Smoochie: TRYING TO GIVE AWAY MY SECRET IDENTITY! And I love my keyboard, you're just jealous cause me and my keyboard share a special connection that you will never have with your keyboard! SO HA!  
  
Huff: *cries hysterically* I love my keyboard!!!! Then, it broke and…… *Cries*…  
  
Smoochie: … shouldn't it be loved then?   
  
Huff: I STILL love him!!!! I miss you, Bob!!!!  
  
Smoochie: Bob??? Remember Cameron's pencil? I stole it and named that Bob! And then I stole his eraser and named it Mortimer!  
  
Huff: Had you by any chance been playing the Sims before then???? "Mortimer"?????  
  
Smoochie: Having some trouble there? And no, Cameron told me to name it Mortimer.   
  
Huff: Cameron is strange…. Not unlike us…..  
  
Smoochie: YEP! And strange people have to stick together! Like waffles! ^_^ And, uh…. STICKY THINGS!  
  
Huff: YEAH!!!!!!  
  
Smoochie: Why don't you do the disclaimer, since this is a special thingy.  
  
Huff: REALLY?!?!?!? WOW!!!! This is such an honor! I can't believe this *begins to cry*  
  
Smoochie: Suck up or I won't let you do this!  
  
Huff: First, I would like to thank the academy and my producers and my-  
  
Smoochie: JUST GIVE THE DISCLAIMER! Or you'll fine yourself in the next version of Fun With Torture I like to send you!  
  
Huff: Smoochie does not own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Smoochie: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?   
  
Huff: And she's very sensitive about it! ^_^ BYE!  
  
Smoochie: Enjoy the chapter!!!   
  
Chapter ten  
  
Strip Poker!  
  
I am so lonely without Alexis!" Seto cried, banging his head on the table in his motel room.  
  
" Dude! It's been three minutes!" Malik said, shuffling the deck. " Now are you going to play or are we going to play?"  
  
" Can't I wallow in self pity for awhile?" Seto complained.  
  
" No!" Malik, Marik, Bakura, Ryou, and Yami yelled at once. Yugi and Mokuba were playing with their hot wheels again. * Surprise, surprise! *  
  
" Fine! I'm in!" Seto said. Malik smiled and began to deal out the cards.  
  
" Okay! The name of the game is strip poker!" he declared happily.  
  
  
  
After a few games, almost everyone was down to their boxer shorts.   
  
" Isn't this fun?" Malik asked.  
  
" Dude!" Marik yelled, smacking him upside the head. " It's only fun when you play with girls!"  
  
" Oh!" Malik laughed. " Why?" Marik sighed and slammed his head on the table.  
  
" Dude!" Yami yelled. " When we play with girls, we see them without their clothes!"  
  
" Oh!" Malik laughed. " Why would we want to do that?" Yami sighed and slammed his head on the table as well.  
  
" I'm going to get more ice." Seto said, putting his jeans and shirt back on. He walked out of the room, humming " Billy! Don't be a hero!" to himself. He went to fill the bucket back with ice and bumped into a tall girl next to him.  
  
" Sorry!" he said, looking up. He's mouth opened wide and his eyes grew about the size of dinner plates. * I always wanted to use that in a conversation! * She was wearing a purple top with a pair of low ride jeans and a diamond buckle. She had reddish-brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail and bright green eyes.   
  
" Hello." He said, straightening up. " My name is, um," he took quick glance at his hand. " Seto! My name is Seto!"  
  
" Hello Seto." The girl said, favoring him with a breathtaking smile. " My names Isabel." * THAT'S ME IF YOU DON'T KNOW!!! * She nodded her head to the tall girl next to her with dark blonde hair and bright blue eyes. " And this is my friend, Katherine." * THAT'S YOU IF YOU DON'T KNOW!!! *   
  
" Would you girls, um, like to come play a game with my friends and I?"  
  
  
  
" God!" Isabel giggled. " Tonight must not be my night! I keep losing!"   
  
" Um, yeah." Marik said, hiding the cards under his sleeve.  
  
" I know!" Katherine laughed as well. " I keep losing too!" Seto smiled. Isabel was just a slightly bit drunk because of the rum they had slipped into her drink. * Boys are evil! This can only end one way! *  
  
" Did you know you have beautiful eyes?" Seto told Isabel, leaning closer to her. Okay, maybe he was a slightly bit drunk as well. * Oh, this cannot end well! *  
  
" Did you know that you're hair is brown?" Isabel asked him and she began to giggle again.  
  
" You look dazzling tonight by the way." Joey whispered to Katherine. Katherine blushed and began to giggle.  
  
" Are you hitting on me, Mr. Wheeler?" she giggled.  
  
" Do you want me to flirt with you?" Joey asked, trying to sound seductive. This only resulted in the rest of the gang breaking out into fistfuls of laughter. Katherine rolled her eyes, but kept smiling.  
  
" Why don't we go back to my room?" Katherine asked, lowering her voice.  
  
" Oh!!!" Everyone said together as Katherine and Joey left, holding hands.  
  
" I guess I'm staying her tonight Seto." Isabel said, smiling.  
  
" Oh!" Everyone said together again. Seto cleared his throat as Isabel put her hand on his leg.  
  
" Everyone, clear out." He said, in a choked sounding voice.  
  
" Oh!" Everyone said together again. Seto stood up and shoved them outside, causing Isabel to giggle appreciatively.  
  
" Finely, we're alone." She said, stretching out on the bed. Seto smiled and took a running leap onto the bed. Unfortunately, Seto was a little over enthusiastic and tumbled off the side instead.  
  
" Are you okay?" Isabel asked, leaning over the bed.  
  
" I'm fine!" Seto said sitting up instantly. " My head broke the fall." Isabel giggled again.  
  
" Let me kiss it and make it feel better." She said, smiling seductively. Seto stood up and the room suddenly spun. " Oh my God! You're really hurt!" Isabel said jumping off the bed.  
  
" I'm fine." Seto said dizzily.  
  
" You probably have a concussion, I'm going to get a doctor." Isabel said, running out the door.  
  
" Izzy wait!" Seto said running foreword but Isabel had already opened the door and everyone came tumbling in.  
  
" Hello." Tristan said, smiling happily.  
  
" I was so going to score dude!" Seto groaned to Ryou.  
  
" I know." Ryou said soothingly, putting a cold compress on his forehead. * Oh! Nice one! You're getting closer to regaining the best damn sex ever, keep it up! *   
  
" Hey Seto, how are you feeling?" Isabel asked, entering the room again, this time with a stack of movies.   
  
" Much better." Seto lied.  
  
" Great, I brought some movies up. The guy said that the reception sucks here so they have DVD's in the lobby." *Incase you haven't gotten it, that's what happens in The Ring in the hotel where they find the movie that kills you when you watch it! Only it's a tape not a DVD.*   
  
" Well I'll leave you to alone so you can um, be alone." * That could have been better but it still earns you a couple of points Ryou.*  
  
" This should be fun." Isabel said popping the movie into the DVD player.  
  
" Yeah." Seto sighed. " But you know what would be more fun? Doing it!" Isabel smiled as the movie began to play and she curled up in his arms.  
  
" Maybe after the movie we could do that." She said. " Let's wait, I mean you do have a concussion."  
  
" So! I'm use to head injuries! I got them many times as a kid! Many times!" * Well that would explain a lot. OH MY GOD! Did I just type that?* Isabel laughed at him.  
  
" Well, that would explain a lot." She said. * Wow! Déjà vu!*   
  
A/N:  
  
Seto: WAIT! The Ring! That movie that kept you up the night before cause you were so scared?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: I WAS NOT SCARED! IT FREAKED ME OUT WHEN SAMARA CAME OUT OF THE TV THAT'S IT!!!  
  
Bakura: I don't like that movie, it gave me the creeps too!  
  
Seto: FREAKED YOU OUT! Just a second ago you had to turn all the lights on in the hallway because you were scared to be walking alone in the dark?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: OK! So I'm still scared! But I wont stay up all night tonight and when I do eventually fall asleep have nightmares about it that makes me so freaked I have to turn on my little desk lamp for a second so I can get myself together cause if I bugged my parents they wouldn't let me watch another scary movie as longs as I live!   
  
Seto: That's a long sentence! You should shorten it!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: WHEN SOMEONE RANTS THEY USE LONG SENTANCES!  
  
Bakura: You're freaking yourself out again, Maybe you should wait till tomorrow to type this.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Good idea. Night! 


	11. The Ring

Chapter Eleven  
  
The Ring  
  
Disclaimer: Don't make fun of this chapter!The Ring did freak me out cause I watched it RIGHT before going to sleep one night! Oh, and I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So wait, Samara isn't gone!" Seto said.  
  
" Uh-huh! RUN NOAH, RUN!" Isabel screamed.  
  
" Oh God! It's the well again!" Seto screamed. " Why the hell is he walking towards it! RUN!" Seto and Isabel clung to each other as the girl Samara walked closer to the screen. Isabel jumped with fright when Samara slowly stepped out of the TV, closing up on Noah.  
  
" Run you moron!" Isabel and Seto screamed together. Samara edged closer and lifted up her head. She was a bony looking person with all her skin intact. Her bright blue eye held a small ring inside off it and Noah, Isabel, and Seto screamed in unison.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" That was so freaky!" Isabel said as Seto played with the special features on the DVD.   
  
" I know!" Seto said, his hands trembling in fear. " Cool! It's the movie thing they watch!"  
  
" Play it." Isabel said, moving in closer to Seto. The special features were so cool and watching the movie again on the whole screen helped her catch smaller things.   
  
" There's the dead horses." Seto pointed out.   
  
" And there's her dad in the window!"  
  
" And that's her backing up in the second mirror."  
  
" And that's the song she was singing before she got killed."  
  
" And there's the ring again." Seto finished. The movie began to flicker, as so in the movie, which Isabel thought was so cool. The movie then stopped and they stared at a blank screen.  
  
Bring. Seto and Isabel jumped and screamed at the same time as the phone rang.  
  
" Oh god!" Isabel sobbed. "We're going to die! We've only got seven days!" Seto carefully edged towards the phone.  
  
" Hello?" he said awkwardly.  
  
" Seven days…" the girly little voice said. Seto and Isabel gripped hands. " Till the new movie theater opens up! How many tickets do you need to be apart of this exciting event?" Seto slammed the phone down in anger. Isabel and him sat there for a second before bursting out into laughter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" You two look terrible!" Joey said as Isabel and Seto entered the diner.  
  
" We watched the Ring last night and we're to freaked to sleep." Isabel explained, taking a swig of Bakura's coffee.  
  
" That movie is freaky!" Seto explained, settling back in the chair and resting his arm around Isabel's shoulders. Isabel curled up next to him and rested her head on his chest. In a few seconds they were asleep.  
  
" How pathetic!" Yami Bakura grumbled. * OH! You're going to pay for that one!*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY!!!" Seto screamed, banging his head on the door.  
  
" Dude, where's Isabel?" Marik asked.  
  
" WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY!!!"   
  
" I think she left," Ryou whispered.  
  
" WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?"   
  
" What would give you that idea?" Yami asked innocently.  
  
" WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHY?"  
  
" Just a guess," Ryou told him.  
  
" Um excuse me?" everyone looked away from Seto to see two young girls and an older man, " Is your friend okay?"  
  
" WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WH--- Hello!" Seto stopped pounding his head on the wall and turned his attention to the girl.  
  
" Hi, I'm Special Agent Courtney Doggett, and these are my partners, Ginger O'Connell and Fox Mulder, FBI," they all flashed their badges quickly. (1)  
  
" Can we help you officers, er, detectives, ah, agents, er… can we just help you?" Ryou asked.  
  
" We're here to investigate some paranormal activity we've found around the perimeter," Ginger told them.  
  
" THERE'S A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE!" Fox screamed. (2)  
  
" Wrong spoof Fox," Courtney told him gently.  
  
" Oh…" Fox said, seeming dejected.   
  
" What paranormal activity?" Bakura asked.  
  
" There have been countless reports of people's left shoes going missing," Ginger told them.  
  
" LEFT SHOES?" some random person yelled.  
  
" OH NO!" another person yelled.  
  
" EXPERIMENT 6-2-6 has escaped!!!" Another screamed. The three people began to scream and run around in little circles. (3)  
  
" Okay…"   
  
" So um, you want to be interrogated?" Ginger asked.  
  
" Yeah, whatever!" the gang shrugged.  
  
" Oh! I'll go first!" Seto said, running up to Courtney, " What do you say? You frisk me, I frisk you?"   
  
BAM! Mulder had grabbed Seto by the shirt collar and thrown him against the wall.  
  
" WHERE WERE YOU ON THE DAY OF TODAY?" he yelled.  
  
" Um, here?" Seto said.  
  
" Very well then…" he said, letting him go, " I guess you're- DID YOU DO IT?"  
  
" No!"  
  
" Oh, I'm sorry for even DID YOU DO IT?"  
  
" No! Now if you don't mind I'll DOES THAT EVER WORK?"  
  
" No, not really," Mulder told him. (4)   
  
" Well, I guess you're free," Courtney told Seto.  
  
" Yes I am free, if you know what I mean," Seto said moving his eyebrows up and down.   
  
" THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!" Mulder screamed before running out the doors.  
  
" Oh dear, not again!" Courtney cried, chasing after him.  
  
"Guys! I think I'm in love!" Seto gasped, staring after her.   
  
  
  
TBC…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Smoocher of Evil: YEAH COURTNEY!  
  
Seto: Why am I in love with her? She didn't talk to me!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, and she's not a ditz.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: You like a challenge Seto. Besides, a smart girl would be good for you.  
  
Seto: I thought I was going to be gay!  
  
Smoocher of Evil: I didn't say it was going to last!   
  
(1) I do like the X-Files! And I love Mulder. It's cause I love him, that I'm making fun of him! Understand?  
  
(2) Ha ha ha! STAR WARS FOREVER!  
  
(3) Lilo and Stitch people!   
  
(4) Another Simpson's quote!  
  
Next Chapter: Seto tries to win Courtney over, but Courtney's a little busy trying to keep Mulder from killing a coat rack! And Yugi goes mysteriously messing at the mention of the "left shoe caper!" Also, Bakura tries to cook breakfast, and wackiness ensues! 


	12. Bakura VS the Evil Toaster of Death

Chapter Twelve: Bakura VS the Evil Toaster of Death  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Well la-de-da, college girl!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" AH MAN! I lost! AGAIN!" Malik screamed, throwing the cell phone onto the ground.  
  
" What is he doing?" Yami Yugi asked.  
  
" He's playing bowling… really badly!" Ryou told him.  
  
" I meant Seto!"   
  
" Oh!" Ryou looked over to were Seto was hunched over a pair of blue prints, " I think he's working on operation Get-Courtney-Doggett-In-Bed-Then-Leave-Her-Cause-I-Have-Commiment-Issues!"  
  
" AH MAN I DIED!" Malik screamed again.  
  
" Don't you mean lost?" Marik asked.  
  
" No, I died!"  
  
" I thought you were playing bowling," Yami Bakura asked.  
  
" I am!" Malik complained, showing them the cell phone. A little man with spiky white hair was lying on the ground of a lane, with a bowling ball on top of his head. There was a puddle of blood around him, and the phone was playing the death march.  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The bologna people are attacking again! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
" Mulder! It's just a sandwich!" Courtney Doggett screamed, chasing after her partner.  
  
" No it's not!" Mulder screamed, " All the evil people in the world turn into bologna don't you know?"  
  
" Mulder, that's possibly the stupidest thing you've ever said. And that's saying a lot for you!" Courtney sighed, exasperatedly.  
  
" You say that now! But one day, you're going to become what you've always been, deep down inside!" Mulder told her. Courtney blinked a few times.  
  
" Deep down inside I'm bologna?" she said, skeptically.  
  
" Yes!" Mulder yelled.  
  
" I stand corrected, that's the stupidest thing you've ever said!"  
  
" STUPID LIKE A MOUSE!" Mulder screamed, before running off. (1)  
  
" Sometimes I wonder about that man," Courtney sighed. Mulder suddenly popped back into the dinner.  
  
" THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!" he screamed before running back off.  
" Did I say sometimes?" Courtney sighed.   
  
" Agent Doggett!" Seto yelled, running up to her. " Do you play an instrument?"  
  
" Yeah… I play the violin… why?" Courtney asked.  
  
" WHAT A COINCIDENCE SO DO I! Want to make some beautiful music together?" he asked, putting his arm around her shoulder.  
  
CRASH!   
  
" Oh no! Mulder!" Courtney sighed, running out of the dinner.   
  
" OH DANG IT!!! Why oh why can't get Courtney in bed?"   
  
" COURTNEY! You're complaining about Courtney!" Bakura screamed. " I HAVE BEEN DENIED THE BEST DAMN SEX EVER FOR FIVE CHAPTER NOW! FIVE CHAPTERS!!!" Bakura began to shake Seto to get his message across.  
  
" Dude… everyone's looking at you!" Seto whispered, noticing everyone in the dinner was staring at them, mouth agape.   
  
" FIVE CHAPTERS!!!" Bakura screamed, obviously not caring.   
  
" Dude, are you okay?" Seto asked as Bakura sunk to the ground.  
  
" He's going into withdrawal," Yami Yugi told him, watching as Bakura curled up in the fetal position on the ground, shaking back in forth.  
  
" Dude, why don't you convince Smoocher of Evil to let you have the best damn sex ever?" Seto asked.  
  
" That's the stupidest plan ever! Hey I got an idea! Why don't I convince Smoocher of Evil to let me have the best damn sex ever? (2) It's genius!!!"  
  
Bakura began to giggle uncontrollably and skipped merrily off.  
  
" Okay…" Seto said, turning back to his blue prints.  
  
He didn't get far though before Bakura was back.  
  
" Um, Seto… how do I convince Smoocher of Evil to give me the best damn sex ever again?"  
  
" I don't know! Do something romantic for your koi."  
  
" Will that really work?"  
  
" Sure, Smoocher of Evil is a nut for all the romance junk!"   
  
Bakura nodded his head before skipping off merrily again.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Mulder, it's just a coat rack!" Courtney screamed.   
  
" It's not! It's the "Left Shoe Caper" in disguise!" Mulder yelled.  
  
" Courtney!" Seto called, running up to her. " I just got these tickets to go see Billy Joel in concert! And I just happened to find out that you are a huge Billy Joel fan, so I wanted to know if you would come with me?"  
  
" WHY WON'T YOU TALK?!?" Mulder screamed, giving the coat rack another shake.  
  
" Mulder! You're being a nut! Let go off the coat rack!"  
  
" NOT NOW COURTNEY I'M ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING THIS CASE!" Mulder screamed.   
  
" Mulder! Look, someone's about to eat a bologna sandwich!" Courtney screamed, pointing at Joey.  
  
BAM! Mulder let go off the coat rack and ran off in the same direction.   
  
" Why me?" Courtney sighed. " So, you were saying?"   
  
" Well I wanted to know if you would-"  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET THIS GUY OFF OF ME!" Joey screamed. Courtney spun around and saw Mulder strangling the life out of Joey.  
  
" I'M ON TO YOU EVIL DOER!" he screamed.  
  
" MULDER! Get off of him!" Courtney screamed, running foreword and dragging him off of the panicking Joey.   
  
" THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!" Mulder screamed once again and ran out the dinner. Courtney checked to see if Joey was alright before running after him.  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Seto screamed, ripping up his tickets.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Meanwhile, Bakura was bound determined to make his Ryou the bestest best breakfast in the world.   
  
" Now, what does Ryou like?" he wondered aloud, for the sake of the readers. "Oh yes! He likes those girly-British teas!" He grabbed the kettle and set it on the stove.  
  
" And what else? TOAST!" Bakura grabbed to slices of white bread (Ryou hated wheat bread!) and went to pop it into the toaster.  
  
POP! The toast popped back up. Bakura pushed it back in.  
  
POP! He growled and shoved it back in.  
  
POP! He's left eye began to twitch as he shoved it back in.  
  
POP! Bakura let out a scream of rage before grabbing the toast and slamming it down.   
  
POP! He slammed it back down, and this time held the toast down with his hands. When it seemed he had finally won he let go carefully.  
  
… the toast stayed were it was. Bakura smiled happily, glad he had defeated the stupid appliance and turned around to create the rest of his bestest best breakfast ever.  
  
POP!   
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bakura screamed. " WHY WON'T YOU BE TOAST? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY???" he screamed, marking each word by slamming the toaster down on the counter.  
  
Then he realized that the toaster wasn't plugged in. He smiled sheepishly and shoved the plug into the wall and pushed the toast down.  
  
… HA HA HA! VICTORY WAS HIS! Bakura jumped up and did a little jig around the kitchen.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Hey guys… have you seen Yugi?" Yami Yugi asked.  
  
" No… weird. He kind of disappeared after the feds should up!" Ryou told him.  
  
" … Feds?" everyone asked together.  
  
" Bakura likes to watch weird television," Ryou said with a blush.  
  
" Hey, where's Bakura too?" Tristan asked.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Now that he had gotten the toast it, Bakura was now facing a different problem. How to get the toast out!  
  
He was digging through the kitchen frantically. And then he saw it, the nice shiny fork. He picked it up and plunged it into the toaster.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the dinner the lights flicker off and then back on.  
  
" What was that?" Ryou asked.  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!" Bakura screamed, running out from the smoking kitchen.  
  
" Bakura!" Ryou yelled. Bakura ran to him and jumped into his arms.  
  
" FIRE RYOU! FIRE! WE MUST EVACUATE THE PLACE! WOMAN AND CHILDREN AFTER US!" Bakura screamed.  
  
" Bakura! Chill out!" Ryou said, embracing his shaking Yami. " What happened?"  
" I was trying to make the bestest best breakfast ever for you so we could have the best damn sex ever again!" Bakura cried into his lights sweater.  
  
" You almost killed yourself to make me breakfast?" Ryou asked. Yami nodded his head pitifully. Ryou smiled and kissed his Yami passionately on the lips.  
  
" AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" everyone cried in unison. Even Mulder had stopped to watch the heart melting scene.  
  
" I love you Yami," Ryou whispered.  
  
" I love you too," Yami Bakura told him, and the two kissed again.  
  
TBC…  
  
A/N:  
  
Smoocher of Evil: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *cries uncontrollably* HOW TRULY AND UTTERLY ROMANTIC!  
  
Bakura: So do I get the best damn sex ever again?  
Smoocher of Evil: YES! You do! HOW ROMANTIC!   
  
Seto: And do I get Courtney?  
  
Smoocher of Evil: Why? You didn't do anything romantic!  
  
Seto: *glares at Bakura who's doing a little dance*  
  
Bakura: Sorry, can't help you! I get to go have the best damn sex ever with Ryou now!  
  
Next Chapter: BAKURA GETS THE BEST DAMN SEX EVER AGAIN! *balloons fall from the ceiling* And Seto kicks operation Get-Courtney-Doggett-In-Bed-Then-Leave-Her-Cause-I-Have-Commiment-Issues up a notch. 


	13. The Woes of Seto Kaiba

Chapter Thirteen  
  
The Woes of Seto Kaiba  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh… but I wish I did! I mean, first my friends favorite character gets stuck in Yami's mind and then my favorite character (Seto) gets turned into stone! God is mocking me!  
  
Bakura skipped merrily into the inn.  
  
" Hello all! How are you today on this glorious day of all days?" he asked, smacking everyone with joviality pats on the back.   
  
" What are you so happy about?" Seto grumbled, glaring into his cornflakes.  
  
" Just something called the best damn sex ever!" Bakura yelled happily as he jumped into one of the chairs.  
  
" Dude, a lot of stuff seems to be happening in a really short period of time. Is it me or are things a little episodic lately?" Tristan asked.  
  
" No," everyone said together.  
  
" You're all being naïve." Tristan told them all gloomy.   
  
" Dude, do we live in this dinner or something?" Marik asked. " I mean we've been here for three chapters, or er days."  
  
" We just keep showing up here I guess," Yami Yugi said happily, digging into his pancakes with great gusto.  
  
" And what's with all the big words?" Marik asked.  
  
" People use big words in stories to make themselves feel important," Seto told him.  
  
" We're not in a story!" Tristan told him.  
  
" Now who's being naïve?" Seto asked dryly. (1)  
  
" THE WEED OF CRIME BEARS BITTER FRUIT YOU OLD HAG!" (2)  
  
" MULDER! Leave that person alone!" the gang heard Courtney Doggett yell.   
  
" THEY'RE STEALING COURTNEY!"  
  
" Mulder! They're allowed to use the sugar packets for free! It's not stealing!" Courtney screamed.  
  
" Oh…" Mulder let go of the child he had been strangling.   
  
" Oh goodie! It's Courtney! Come on Mokuba!" Seto cried, dragging his baby brother behind him.  
  
" Oh come on Seto! I don't wanna!" Mokuba whined.  
  
" Please Mokie, for me?" Seto asked, giving him the puppy eyes.  
  
" Fine, big brother," Mokuba sighed. He couldn't say no the puppy eyes!  
  
" Good!" Seto said happily, shoving Mokuba in the general direction of Courtney.  
  
" Agent Courtney Doggett, why do you hate my brother?"   
  
" I don't hate your brother," Courtney said, kneeling down to Mokuba's height.  
  
" Then why won't you go out on a date with him? He's a great guy! He's nice, smart, rich, handsome, and modest!" Mokuba recited.   
  
" I have nothing against your brother, sweetie."  
  
" Then will you go out with him tomorrow?"  
  
" I'd lo-"   
  
" THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!" Mulder screamed, before running outside.  
  
" Oh lord! Sorry kiddo, got to go!" Courtney said, before running off after her partner.   
  
Seto's left eye began to twitch.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Seto, you're freaking us out," Yami told the young CEO. He was currently hunched over the dinning room table scribbling on little pieces of paper.   
  
" I GOT IT!" he finally screamed. " Using mainly spoons, we dig a hole and catch Courtney in it! Then she'll have to love me! IT'S FOOLPROOF!!!"  
  
" Spoons Seto?" Yami Yugi repeated.  
  
" Will work out the technical stuff later Yami!" Seto snapped, jumping up and running off.   
  
" But Seto! How is trapping Courtney in a hole going to get her to love you?" he yelled at his retreating back.  
  
" Leave him alone, he's happy. And when Seto's happy, Mokuba's happy. And when Mokuba's happy, Ryou's happy. And when Ryou's happy I get the best damn sex ever!" Bakura told him.  
  
" Is that all you think about?" Malik asked.  
  
" No, I also think of ways to do bodily harm to small furry creatures!" Bakura said with a maniacal grin on his face.  
  
" Okay… hey, have you guys seen Yugi?" Yami asked.  
  
" No, the little mutant ran off when the FBI turned up… he's probably hiding under his bed or something."   
  
" Probably," Yami agreed. " I mean, HEY!"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Okay Mulder. We're going to interrogate people now, okay?" Ginger told Mulder slowly.  
  
" But the squirrels Ginger! They're plotting against me!!!"   
  
" We know Fox, but right now we need to interrogate people and get the hell out of this dinner," Courtney told him soothingly. " Do you realize we've been here for three chapters… er days?"   
  
" Can I be the bad cop?" Mulder asked, hitting her with the dreaded puppy dog eyes.  
  
" Sure. Just don't hurt anybody ok?" Mulder nodded his head before running over to the man at the dinner and smacking him across the face.  
  
" Mulder, what are you doing?"  
  
" Interrogating Court!"  
  
" Mulder, we don't do that. Anyways, you have to ask a question first," Courtney sighed.  
  
" Right! What color is my underwear?" he asked, before smacking the man again. (3) Courtney sighed.  
  
" This is going to be a looooooooooooooooong day."  
  
" Why don't you go get some fresh air? I'll handle him right now," Ginger told her.  
  
" Thanks Ging," she sighed before stepping outside.  
  
" OW!" she screamed, stepping into a hole. The hole was only two inches in though so all she did was fall to the ground.  
  
" Oh, oh, oh!" she cried, holding onto her ankle. " I think I sprained my ankle!"  
  
" OH BOY! Now's my chance!" (4) Seto screamed, running over to the fallen FBI.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Courtney sat at a booth, a bag of ice resting on her swelling foot.  
  
" How's your ankle?" Seto asked her.  
  
" It's feeling better actually," she told him, with a small grin. " But why was there a hole in front of the door anyway?"  
  
" Life's a mystery," Seto shrugged. He turned and winked at Yami, who just rolled his eyes.  
  
" I guess… luckily you were there… uh…"  
  
" Kaiba. Seto Kaiba," he told her, giving his best Bond impression. Courtney laughed a little.  
  
" Kaiba, so what brings you and your friends here?"  
  
" We're on a road trip," he told her.  
  
" Oh that's cool… so you're still in high school then?"  
  
" … no … " Seto said after a beat.  
  
" Oh, I thought you were," Courtney said disappointedly.  
  
" Nope, we're twenty-eight," Seto lied.  
  
" Well that's a shame. See, I'm only 20. I skipped a couple of grades in school. And I was looking for a nice eighteen year old with a high paying job… Well, I guess I should get going."  
  
" Wait? Eighteen? High paying job?" Seto said. He jumped to his feet. " I lied! I am eighteen! I'm a CEO! COME BACK COURTNEY!" But the agent had already limped off.   
  
" Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why???" he said, banging his head on the table.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N:  
  
Smoocher of Evil: OKAY! I have a prize for you all!   
  
Bakura: Oh no.  
  
Smoocher of Evil: I'm running out of ideas for operation Get-Courtney-Doggett-In-Bed-Then-Leave-Her-Cause-I-Have-Commiment-Issues. So tell me your suggestions and I will try to use them in my story k?  
  
Seto: And she wants art!   
  
Smoocher of Evil: Oh yeah! If you want to draw me some art, I would love it!!! If anyone is interested review me and I'll send you my email address right away!  
  
(1) Clerks, the cartoon show!   
  
(2) Clerks again! THIS SHOW ROCKED PEOPLE! YOU SHOULD SO BUY THE DVD!!! (is handed a big sack of cash from the makers of Clerks.)  
  
(3) Sponge Bob!  
  
(4) MORE SPONGE BOB!   
  
Next Chapter: Again, I need your suggestions! Tell me what you want Seto to do and I'll do it!!! 


	14. Newspapers, Cars, Chocolates, and Alien ...

Chapter Fourteen  
  
Newspapers, Cars, Chocolates, and Alien Abductions  
  
Disclaimer: I still do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.   
  
A/N: Thanks to my reviewers who gave me ideas, Keeper Of The Apocolypse (Newspaper), Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru (Car), Ril (Chocolates), and Lady Silver Rose (Alien Abductions). If anyone likes their ideas, maybe you should check out there stories (and no, they did not pay me to do this!) Also, as a side note, EVERYONE should go check out Razzleteddy's stories! They all rock!!! You can find Razzleteddy's stories under my favorite stories list (they're all there) or her link under my favorite authors list.   
  
Seto set up a box, stick and piece of string by a unsuspecting bush. He then placed a the wanted ad's of the newspaper up front. In bold writing it said, "I'm 18 and I'm the CEO of a company". He then ran and hid behind a bush.  
Bakura, who was behind the bush, sweat dropped  
  
"What are you doing?" Seto smiled   
  
"I'm going to CATCH Courtney! I've devised three great schemes and this is plan one! When Courtney look's at the newspaper ad, she'll want to read it, so she'll bend over to grab it! I'll pull the string at that exact moment and she'll get caught and be FORCED to love me. IT'S BRILLIANT!" he shouted. " What're you doing here anyways?"  
Bakura shrugged. "This is where I come to take a piss!"  
  
" Okay… I think I'm going to go find another bush now," he told him.  
  
" Suit yourself."   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
" So he said, I only had one officer Mr. Keg!" Mokuba told them all. Everyone began to crack up.  
  
" So what did your big bro do then?" Joey asked, writing every word down.  
  
" Well he… Seto! What happened?"   
  
" I don't want to talk about it!" a sullen looking Seto snapped.  
  
" Kaiba, you're soaked! What happened to you?"  
  
" I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" he yelled again. Everything was silent for awhile before Bakura finally said,  
  
" So, how did the newspaper idea work?" Seto jumped up, his face red with anger and stormed off. Everyone began to crack up again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Big brother, you're kind of creeping me out," Mokuba told Seto.  
  
" Nonsense!" Seto yelled. He was scrunched over a piece of paper, this time so close that his nose was smudged with ink from all the times he was rubbing it against the paper.   
  
" What are you doing this time, Kaiba?" Yami Yugi asked him.  
  
" This is plan two of my brilliant scheme!" Seto screamed loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in the diner. " I will hid in Courtney's car! When she gets into it I will jump out and surprise her! THEN SHE'LL LOVE ME!!! IT'S FOOL PROOF!"   
  
" How does that work, big brother?" Mokuba asked.  
" You'll understand when you're older Mokie. Now to THE COURTNEY MOBILE!!! DO DO DO DO!" (1)   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
" Wow Court! You look beat, why don't you go somewhere?" Ginger told her partner.  
  
" You're right. I need to get away from this diner. I'll be back soon," she said, leaving the diner and heading for her candy red convertible.  
  
She climbed in and turned the key in the ignition and sped away.   
  
" Hee hee hee!" Seto laughed to himself. " I am a genius!" He went to jump up to surprise Courtney.   
  
Unfortunately, at that exact second Courtney took a sharp turn, faster then the law would prohibit.  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Seto screamed as he was thrown from the car, seeing as Courtney had the top down.   
  
" What was that?" Courtney said, turning her head. She saw a blue trench coat hanging off of a cactus and shrugged. " Must have been the wind."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" This, ow, plan, ow, is, ow, going, ow, to, ow, be, ow, FOOL PROOF! OW!!!"  
  
" Sorry big brother!" Mokuba said as he pulled out another cactus quill from his brother.  
  
" Now, how did you end up in the cactus patch, Kaiba?" Yami Bakura asked innocently *pfft. Yeah right!*  
  
" I don't want to talk about it," Seto grumbled.  
  
" But big brother-"  
  
" I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" So Seto, what's this next brilliant plan of yours?" Joey asked.  
  
" This is the most brilliant of all my plans! It's full proof! And no harm can come to me physically, only emotionally!" Seto told him.  
  
" What is it?" Bakura asked.  
  
" I'm going to give her chocolates!" Seto declared happily.   
  
" Chocolate?" Joey repeated.  
  
" Yeah! Why, what's wrong with it?"  
  
" Nothing, that's the problem. I mean… this make sense! And it's very simple to," Bakura told him.  
  
" Well, the author is feeling unconfident at the moment," Seto told her.  
  
" Why? She's got 71 reviews!" Yami Yugi asked.  
  
" Yes, but only 70 of those reviews are good! Someone sent her a bad review!" Seto told them.  
  
" NO!" everyone gasped.  
  
" Yes, so she's playing it safe right now!" Seto told them all. " Ah Courtney is here!"  
  
And Seto skipped off to his love, unfortunately his love was blocked by a very ugly girl named Paige.  
  
" Oh my! ARE THOSE FOR ME?" she screamed.  
  
" Um no, they're for-" but Paige had already grabbed the chocolates and crammed them into her mouth.   
  
" Oh hi Seto!" Courtney said turning around finally.  
  
" Hi Courtney," Seto sighed.  
  
" Oh look, chocolates! I absolutely love chocolates! That's really all it takes for a guy to get me in bed! Oh well, bye!" she said before heading off.   
  
" WHY ME? WHY ME? WHY ME!?!" Seto screamed. " Oh well, at least I didn't get hurt physically this time."  
  
" Wait, this chocolates aren't for me?" Paige asked. Seto nodded his head. BAM! And received a hard punch in the nose.   
  
" JERK!" Paige screamed, throwing the already empty chocolate box at his feet.   
  
" HA HA HA!" Bakura laughed loudly.   
" SHUT UP!" Seto screamed before running off for a much needed sulk.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" Um, Agent Doggett?" Yami Yugi asked.   
  
" Yes um…"  
  
" Yami!" he said, shaking her hand. " Um well, I need to talk to you. See my … brother has gone missing."  
  
" He has? What do you think happen?" she asked.  
  
" Well, I think that he's-"  
  
" I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!" Bakura yelled, running over. " Yugi's been abducted by ali-"   
  
" DON'T SAY THAT!" Courtney screamed, clamping her hand on his mouth.  
  
" Mmmf hie givl?" Bakura asked.  
  
" Shush!" Courtney's eyes darted across the room. " Oh thank the Lord! He didn't hear it."  
  
" Hear what?" Yami Yugi asked.  
  
" Aliens," Courtney said, then clamping her own hand over her mouth.  
  
" ALIENS?" Mulder screamed. " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
Mulder jumped up and ran outside. After a second though he ran back in.  
  
" THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!" he screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
" Oh no! Sorry, got to go!" Courtney said, running after her partner.  
  
Bakura and Yami sat there in silence.  
  
" Man that's guys a freak!" Bakura finally said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: THERE YOU ALL GO!!! I hope you like! And yes, I did finally get a bad review. So be extremely gentle reviewing me this time okay???  
  
1) This is from Batman, I couldn't resist putting it in!   
  
Next Chapter: The FBI agents will make their leave. This is up to you to decide now, how far should Seto get with Courtney?  
  
1) NO WHERE!  
  
2) A hug  
  
3) A kiss  
  
4) Or more than a kiss, if you know what I mean! ^_~ 


	15. Courtney's Leave

Chapter Fifteen   
  
Courtney's Leave  
  
Disclaimer: I STILL DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH!!! But Razzleteddy finished her story tonight so yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Now go read her stories!!!  
  
" Do you have any sevens?" Yami Bakura asked.  
  
" Go fish!" Mokuba told him, looking dazed at his three pairs of sevens.  
  
" Look Mokuba, you've got several sevens see," Bakura sighed, pulling down Mokuba's cards.  
  
" Go fish!" Mokuba repeated. (1)  
  
" Let's play a different game… how about poker!!!"  
  
" What's poker?"  
  
" It's a very simple game, were I win a lot of money from innocent children!"   
  
" SOUNDS FUN!" Mokuba told him.  
  
" AH-HA! I've got! MY FULL PROOF PLAN!"  
  
" Oh, this is gonna be good!" Bakura said gleefully, spinning around for a front row seat.   
  
Kaiba walked forcefully over to Courtney, and tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
" Hello Seto," Courtney told him turning around.  
  
" Hi Courtney," Seto told her. Courtney's eyes glazed over.  
  
" What did you say?" she asked,  
  
" Hi Courtney," Seto repeated, with a bit more force. Suddenly, sappy music filled the air and Courtney jumped into Seto's arms and gave him a big kiss.   
  
" AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" everyone, except of course Yami Bakura cooed.  
  
" Why didn't you say something before?" Courtney asked him.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" What's the matter Bakura?" Ryou asked, jumping on his Yami's back.  
  
" Seto and Courtney are getting all smoochie smoochie with each other! They're all cooing and hugging! And they're both so, so, so… HAPPY! IT MAKES ME SICK!"  
  
" What you need is gramme of soma."   
  
" What the hell is that?"  
  
" Take a holiday from reality whenever you like, and come back without so much as a headache or a mythology. One cubic centimetre cures ten gloomy sentiments!"   
  
" WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?"  
  
" Remember, a gramme is better than a damn!" (2)Ryou told him, before skipping off merrily.   
  
" Oh great, Ryou's doing drugs now! WHAT IS THIS? Bizarro world?" (3)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" YAMI! YAMI! YAMI!" Seto screamed, running into the diner.  
  
" KAIBA! KAIBA! KAIBA!"  
  
" Courtney! Courtney! Courtney!"  
  
" YES? YES? YES?"  
  
" SHE IS, SHE IS SHE IS!"  
  
" OUT WITH IT KAIBA!" (4) Yami yelled, finally losing his patience.  
  
" COURTNEY LEFT!"  
  
" What?" everyone in the diner gasped together.  
  
" She left! Her and Ginger! They- they- they, just disappeared!"  
  
" It's okay Seto," Ryou told him, patting his arm soothingly.  
  
" Yeah, she'll come back. They left Mulder," Yami told him. Everyone turned around to see Mulder sitting at the countertop. Mulder turned around, gave a big cheesy grin and began to wave frantically.  
  
Everyone smiled softly and waved back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Are you ready to leave yet, Kaiba?" Ryou asked.  
  
" Yes," Seto sighed sorrowfully. " This place holds to many bad memories." Mokuba rolled his eyes and grabbed his brothers arm.  
  
" Come on Seto, let's get into the car."  
  
" Hey guys!" Yugi said, bounding out from the diner.   
  
" Yugi! Where on Earth were you?"  
  
" In the closet!" Yugi told him happily.  
  
" HEE HEE HEE, Yugi came out of the closet! HA HA HA!" Bakura laughed. Everyone looked at him strangely.  
  
" Oh come on! Don't you get it?" Bakura asked them. Everyone shook their heads no. " I'm surrounded by imbeciles."   
  
" Okay…… uh guys, how are we going to get out of here?"  
  
" Hitchhike?" Yugi suggested.  
  
" Not again!" Tristan yelled. " Last time one of them touched my handy dandy… STAPLER GUN!"   
  
" How about the bus?" Joey suggested.  
  
" I'm okay with that," Ryou said.  
  
" As long as Wheeler doesn't drive," Seto told them all.  
  
" Very well! TO THE BUS!" Yami screamed.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Next Chapter: The gang gets on a bus and wackiness ensues! Also, the gang meets a new girl, who wears leather and tries to kill Yami Bakura. ^_^   
  
(1) Simpson's  
  
(2) Brave New World  
  
(3) Simpson's  
  
(4) SpongeBob 


	16. On the Road Again

Chapter Sixteen  
  
On the Road Again  
  
Disclaimer: Still do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I do own all the Bob scenes… sadly enough… because my friend and I said all those things.  
  
Dedicated:  
  
This is dedicated to Fantasia Barrino (the American Idol winner), my velvet teddy bear Ruben (205), and my own American Idol… SIMON!!!   
  
" Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Forty-three bottles of beers on the wall, forty-three bottles of beeeeeeeeeeeer! You take one down, pass it around, forty-two bottles of beer on the wall!"   
  
" WILL YOU SHUT UP WHEELER?" Seto screamed. Joey fell silent.  
  
" Fine, I'll sing something else… WHEN SHE BANGS SHE BANGS, OH BABY, WHEN SHE MOVES, SHE MOVES, I GO CRAZY CAUSE SHE'S-"  
  
" Shut up!" everyone screamed in unison.  
  
" Hello everybody!"  
  
" HELLO MR. BUSDRIVER!" everyone yelled in unison. (1)  
  
" My name is Bob."  
  
" Hi Bob!" everyone screamed again.   
  
" We'll be leaving in a moment, I just have to do something," Bob told them. He got off the bus and lit up a cigarette.  
  
" Bob rocks Seto! I LOVE YOU BOB!" Joey screamed.  
  
" Joey, Bob's not on the bus," Seto told him.  
  
" BOB!" Joey yelled, raising his fist in the air. " Oh no! Bob's smoking! DON'T DO IT BOB! WE LOVE YOU! DON'T KILL YOURSELF!!!" (2) Seto rolled his eyes.   
  
" How did I get stuck next to you again?" he asked.  
  
" Just lucky I guess," Joey told him, clapping him on the back.  
  
" Oh look Mokuba!" Seto yelled, pointing out the window for his little brothers. " It's rednecks!" (3)  
  
" Wow!" Mokuba said, shoving his face up against the glass.   
  
" Hey I got an idea! Let's wave at people!" Joey screamed.  
  
" OKAY!" Mokuba yelled, and the two spun around to face outside the window.  
  
" THERE'S SOMEONE!" Joey screamed and the two began to wave frantically. When the driver paid no attention to them though, they began to pound on the windows. (4) Kaiba shook his head.  
  
" I'm going to go sit with someone less insane," he told Mokuba.  
  
" That's nice," Mokuba told him, obviously not paying attention. Seto stood up and looked around the bus… hmm, he could sit next to Tristan and his handy dandy… STAPLER GUN… or he could sit next to Yami Marik… or he could sit next to that chick in the leather with all the wooden spikes.  
  
Seto decided to take his chances with leather chick.  
  
" Hi, mind if I sit here?"  
  
" Not at all," leather chick told him.   
  
" My names Seto."  
  
" Melanie," she told him, shaking his hand. " So… you know that white haired guy up there don't you?"  
  
" Bakura? Unfortunately," Seto grumbled.  
  
" Bakura? Hmm, so the vampire changed his name."  
  
" Vampire?" Seto asked.  
  
" Yeah, I mean look at him!"  
  
" You think Bakura's a vampire?" Seto asked. HE KNEW HE SHOULD HAVE SAT NEXT TO TRISTAN!  
  
" Yes, and as a slayer, it is my job to kill him."  
  
" Um, I hate to break it to you but- wait, you're a slayer? And you're here to kill Bakura?"  
  
" Duh," Melanie told him.  
  
" So, how are we going to slay the vampire?" Seto asked, practically bouncing out of his seat.  
  
" And she's so funny! And she has the prettiest hair and she-"  
  
" SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" Bakura yelled.  
  
" I know, isn't she great?" Seto sighed. They were sitting at a buffet.  
  
" Joey, what are you doing?" Yami Yugi asked.  
  
" Making a card for Bob!"  
  
" Who?" Everyone asked.  
  
" WHO? He's only the bestest best bus driver in the wide world!" Joey told them.   
  
" Okay…" Seto said slowly.  
  
" HA! I told you Wheeler was weirder then me!" Yami Bakura yelled triumphantly, taking another bite of his pizza.  
  
" So, Mr. Vampire, if that is your real name," Melanie said, taking the seat next to Yami Bakura. " Would you like some garlic with your pizza?"  
  
" … Doesn't pizza already have garlic?" Bakura asked, looking slightly confused.  
  
" Oh, you're a smart one. But don't worry, I've got my eye on you! I'll be watching you, vampire. Always watching you!" Melanie screamed before running out of the restaurant.   
  
" Malik, what's the opposite of terrifying?" Joey suddenly asked.  
  
" TACOS!" Malik yelled happily. Joey blinked. (5)  
  
" Nice try, but even I know that's not right!" Joey told him. " Kaiba, what's the opposite of terrifying?   
  
" Unterrifying?" Seto suggested.  
  
" Thanks Kaiba!"  
  
" And then they get back to the hotel, and they tell Gunn that they didn't get the head, but Gunn says that the head is in Angel's office. So they go into the office and there's this bag and on the bag it says that it's from the immortal and-" (6)  
  
" Excuse me, but what does this have to do with Bakura?" Seto asked.  
  
" Killing Bakura? Oh no! I'm telling you what happened on Angel last night! So anyways they-" Seto rolled his eyes. Melanie had been reliving every episode of Angel for him, and he was about to scream.  
  
" Um, Melanie, would you excuse me for awhile?'  
  
" Oh okay!" Melanie told him happily, and she pulled out her stake and began to sharpen it.  
  
" Joey! You got to save me! SHE'S DRIVING ME MAD!!!" Seto screamed, grabbing Joey by his shirt.   
  
" She's not that bad Kaiba!" Joey told him.  
  
" Then you go sit with her!"  
  
" OKAY!" Joey yelled, jumping up!  
  
" Wow, I thought that'd be a whole lot harder! I didn't even have to outsmart him!" Seto shrugged, taking Joey's seat.  
  
" And then Angel says, " Let's get to work!" and that's the end of the series!" (7)  
  
" WHAT? IT ENDED THAT WAY?" Joey screamed.  
  
" Yeah I know! But there may be movies!" Melanie told him excitedly.  
  
" Wow, Melanie, you are so smart. Why aren't you in college?"  
  
" I'm not college material! I haven't been since I added that extra clap to Bingo in preschool!" Melanie told him. (8)  
  
" Who told you that?"  
  
" My preschool teacher. So I figured there was no hope!"  
  
" But there's hope for everyone Melanie!" Joey told her.  
  
" Not me, according to my kindergarten teacher! It's no biggie really!" (9)  
  
" Yes it is, Melanie!" Joey yelled dramatically. " AND AS BOB AS MY WITNESS I WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET INTO COLLEGE!"  
  
" Oh Joey! You're so sweet!" Melanie told him, and she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
" Really?"  
  
" Of course!" Melanie told him. Joey smiled at her before capturing her lips with his.  
  
" Hey Kaiba, your girlfriends snogging some other dude," Bakura told Seto nonchalantly.   
  
" WHAT?" Seto screamed, jumping up and seeing Melanie and Joey smooching in the back of the bus. " WHAT THE? She's mine!"  
  
" Seto, I thought you hater her!" Mokuba asked.  
  
" Yeah, but that's before she started kissing Joey! THIS IS WAR WHEELER!" (10)  
  
TBC…  
  
A/N: Sorry this took so long, I had a lot to do, went to Grand Junction for a school trip, was in the dance showcase, watched the Angel Series finale, American Idol finale, the Lord of the Rings coming out, Survivor's finale, and of course I squeezed school in around all this.   
  
1: Simpson's (HI DR.NICK)  
  
2: When I went to Grand Junction with my friends for school, are bus driver was named Bob and …. Sadly we did do this!  
  
3: Again, my friends and I in Grand Junction.  
  
4: Grand Junction again.  
  
5: I have no clue were that came from! SORRY!  
  
6: The episode of Angel were Spike and Angel go to Italy!  
  
7: GOODBYE MY ANGEL!!!  
  
8: Simpson's  
  
9: Simpson's  
  
10: My friend and I have been "declaring war" on each other all week for dumb reasons!  
  
Next chapter: I GOT NO CLUE! I'll be thinking though! 


	17. Walk Like an Egyptian

Chapter Seventeen  
  
Walk Like an Egyptian   
  
Disclaimer: Still no owning of Yu-Gi-Oh, BUT I GET TO GO SEE HARRY POTTER THE DAY IT COMES OUT SO HUGS AND KISSES FOR ALL!!!  
  
" I love you Ryou!" Bakura whispered into his boyfriends ear.  
  
" Bakura, stop it! I will not, I repeat, NOT have the best damn sex ever with you right now okay?" Ryou snapped, quite conscious that everyone in the restaurant was looking at him.   
  
" PLEASE!" Bakura whined, giving him the puppy dog eyes.  
  
" No Bakura! Now back off!" Ryou told him, trying to scoot over. This is when Bakura got a brilliant idea. He grabbed some cherries, made sure he had Ryou's attention, and began to eat them rather suggestively.   
  
" DAMN YOU!" Ryou screamed after a moment of torture and he latched himself to Bakura's mouth.   
  
" Sweetie, I'm telling you, Bakura's not a vampire!"  
  
" I don't think you're right, but I'll give you a chance… Snuggly Bear!"  
  
" Thank you, Peach Blossom! Eskimo kiss!" Melanie and Joey leaned in a brushed noses against each other.   
  
" YUCK!" Marik yelled, pretending to gag at the two.   
  
" EW! They've only known each other twenty minutes and their already getting sappy!" Mokuba said.  
  
" I'LL KILL HIM! I SHOULD BE SNUGGLY BEAR!" Seto screamed, earning him so weird looks from the others.  
  
" Hee hee hee, SNUGGLY BEAR!" Marik began to laugh.   
  
" Come on Mel. Just talk to him for a second! You'll know he's not a vampire, just a pathetic white haired ancient tomb raider from ancient Egypt," Joey told her.  
  
" I'm still not sure," Melanie told him. " But I'll talk to him for you."   
  
" Thank you, Peach Blossom," Joey told her, giving her a quick peck.  
  
" Hey Bakura, Ryou! What are you- Oh dear Lord!" Joey sighed. Bakura pulled away from Ryou, who's neck he had been currently been nibbling. Melanie's eyes grew huge. There was some cherry juice dripping down Bakura's chin.   
  
" VAMPIRE!" she screamed, yanking out her stake and jumping on top of him.  
  
" MELANIE!" Joey screamed, trying to pull her off Bakura, who was not entirely sure if having a chick in leather pants straddling him was a bad thing. His thoughts however were interrupted once Joey managed to yank Melanie off of him.  
  
" Mel, you promised me, no staking!" Joey told her, scolding her as if she was a child.  
  
" But he's a vampire!" Melanie told him, struggling in his grasp. Joey sighed and rolled his eyes upwards.   
  
" Mel, why don't you go talk to Yami Yugi? I'll deal with Bakura ok?" Melanie's eyes lighted up at the mention of Yami Yugi. She absolutely adored Yami and his hair… probably because Yami was the only one who would listen to her mindless chatter.  
  
" OKAY!" she yelled happily, bounding over to Yami. Joey turned and gave Bakura the Evil Glare of Death patent pending.   
  
" This music video is absurd!" Yami Yugi yelled, pointing at the TV. " I've never walked like that in my life!!!"  
  
" I know, stupid Bangles!" Melanie sighed, shaking her head in disgust. (1)  
  
" When I am supreme ruler of the world I will set my Vampire-Werewolf army of Doom upon her!" (2)  
  
" Vampire-Werewolf army of Doom?" Yami repeated.  
  
" Yes!" Melanie told him happily, nodding her head vigorously.   
  
" … Please tell me you're drunk!" Yami said after a beat.  
  
" Do you want to get drunk?"  
  
" Sure, what the hell," Yami said with a shrug.  
  
" CAN YOU KEEP YOU'RE HANDS TO YOURSELF FOR ONE SECOND???" Joey screamed.  
  
" Of course I can!" Bakura told him, meanwhile rubbing his head up and down Ryou's thigh.  
  
" No you can't! You're a sex sexaholic!" Joey screamed.  
  
" I am not!" Bakura yelled, he had now had both his hand stroking Ryou's thigh. " Oh my! I AM A SEXAHOLIC! I can't live with out sexahol!" (3)   
  
" NO YOU CAN'T! You cheater!!!" Ryou screamed, obviously still mad about the reaction Bakura had to Melanie straddling him.  
  
" Oh Ryou, will you drop the whole Melanie thing? That's ancient history!"  
  
" IT HAPPENED TWENTY MINUTES AGO!" Ryou screamed.  
  
" Really? Hmm, time sure flies when you're being lectured."  
  
" JOEY!" Melanie yelled the instant her and Yami clambered onto the bus, swaying drunkenly. " GUESS WHAT?"  
  
" WE'RE DRUNK!" Yami answered, taking another swig of his beer.   
  
" Dude! It should so be someone's birthday!" Melanie told Yami.  
  
" You're so right!" Yami yelled back. " Oh! I know! Let's make it Marik's birthday!"  
  
" Okay," and Melanie and Yami began to sing Happy Birthday to Marik (4) who glared murderously back at them.  
  
" Okay Mel," Joey said soothingly, grabbing his girlfriend before Marik could send her to the Shadow Realm. " Why don't you sit down now?'  
  
" Only if Yami sits by us!" Melanie told him, holding onto him tightly for support.  
  
" Yami's going to sit right here," Joey told her, pointing to the seat behind them. Melanie spun around quickly to see where her new "bestest best friend in the whole wide world" was.  
  
" HI YAMI!" she squealed.  
  
" HI MELANIE!" Yami squealed back, and the two waved enthusiastically at each other.   
  
" Let's sing a song, my bestest best friend in the whole wide world!"   
  
" OKAY!" Yami yelled. And the two began to sing drunkenly, " Walk Like an Egyptian".   
  
A/N: Just FYI, I am planning to end this series soon, but if enough people show enough interest I will write a sequel, California Here We Come, but only if you want so, voice your opinions people!!!  
  
1: Of course, they're talking about Bangles song, " Walk Like an Egyptian".   
  
2: I inform my friends of this a lot… hmm, maybe that's why I don't have many friends anymore!!!  
  
3: Stole from Simpson's  
  
4: Happy HG? See, I didn't forget our drunkenness fun, though we weren't really drunk, in Grand Junction.  
  
Next Chapter: Melanie and Yami suffer from hangovers while Joey tries to convince Mel Bakura is not a vampire, and get her into college… poor Joey!!! 


	18. Why Don't We Get Drunk?

Chapter Eighteen  
  
Why Don't We Get Drunk???   
  
Disclaimer: Still no owning of Yu-Gi-Oh  
  
A/N: WOW! 100 reviews!!! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys totally rock!!! So, as my way of saying thanks, there will be a sequel to Road Trip to Hell.  
  
Yami Yugi groaned loudly, suffering seriously from the pain of his hangover.  
  
" Come on Yami Yugi! Eat your food!" Melanie told him cheerfully, obviously not effected by her own hangover. Yami groaned louder, and turned a weird shade of green. " If you don't eat Yami you won't have a happy plate!"  
  
" Happy plate?" Yami asked, massaging his temples.  
  
" Yeah! When I was in preschool if you ate all your food on your plate they would say you had a happy plate and you'd get a sticker… HEY! I never got a sticker!!!" Melanie complained. (1)  
  
" Oh my head," Yami groaned, sliding back into his seat.  
  
" WHAT A RIP OFF! I should go find that damn teacher and rip her a new one!" Melanie complained, ignoring her suffering friend entirely.   
" Come on babe," Joey said soothingly, hoping to distract Melanie from her "sticker problem". " Let's go get on the bus and flip through those collage pamphlets."  
  
" NOT ONE DAMN STICKER! I want a sticker honey!"  
  
" Okay baby, I'll get you a sticker," Joey sighed, literally dragging Melanie outside to the bus. (2)  
  
" Ryou, come on baby, darling, sugar dumpling, apple of my eye, darling, um… baby?" Bakura whined.  
  
" No, Bakura!" Ryou told him, shoving his boyfriends hands away from him.  
  
" Oh come on! What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
" YOU LIKED IT WHEN MELANIE STRADDLED YOU!!!" Ryou screamed, earning them a few stares from the occupants on the bus.   
  
" OH LIKE YOU WOULDN'T???" Bakura yelled.  
  
" NO! I WOULDN'T! I AM AN HONEST BOYFRIEND! UNLIKE YOU!"  
  
" Ryou, I'm sorry! She's nothing to me! I love you, you know that! Come on Ryou! I know what'll cheer you up! How about the best damn sex ever?" Bakura asked.  
  
" I'm not in the mood," Ryou pouted.  
  
" Not in the mood?" Bakura repeated. " HOW CAN YOU NOT BE IN THE MOOD? We're boys!!! We're always in the mood!" (3)  
  
" Well I'm not right now… I have a headache!"   
  
" YOU LIE! HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME!"  
  
" JUST LEAVE ME ALONE BAKURA!" Ryou screamed. Bakura sat down and stared at his hand dejectedly for a few minutes.   
  
" I'm sorry I yelled Bakura," Ryou sighed, feeling guilty.  
  
" It's okay Ryou! LET'S HAVE THE BEST DAMN MAKE UP SEX EVER NOW!" Bakura said happily.  
  
" YOU ARE HOPELESS!" Ryou screamed in frustration, turning around and glaring out of the window.  
  
" What about this collage love?" Joey asked.  
  
" Hmm… no, I don't like it!" Melanie told him, throwing the pamphlet behind her (hitting the angry passenger behind her).  
  
" Okay… this one?"  
  
" Um… no, I don't like that one either!" Melanie told him, throwing the pamphlet behind her again.  
  
" Well how about-"  
  
" JOEY! MELANIE! You two are all lovey dovey and crap! I need your help!" Bakura yelled, sitting down in the bus seats next to the couple.  
  
" Sure Mr. Vampire, just close you eyes and all your troubles will be gone," Melanie told him, pulling out her stake.   
  
" Honey, what did you promise?"  
  
" That I wouldn't stake anyone on the bus," Melanie sighed dejectedly, putting her stake back into it's holster.  
  
" So, what do you need help with?" Joey asked.  
  
" Ryou's mad at me! He won't let me have the best damn sex ever anymore!"  
  
" Did you try talking to him?" Joey asked.  
  
" I did! I went up to him and said, Ryou, let's have the best damn sex ever and he said no! He wasn't in the mood!"  
  
" Wasn't in the mood?" Joey repeated. " But Ryou's a dude … isn't he?"  
  
" OF COURSE HE'S A DUDE!!!" Bakura screamed, earning him a few more looks.  
  
" Why don't you sing a romantic song to him?" Melanie suggested.   
  
" That's the dumbest idea I ever heard! Honestly, if you were any stupider you'd be going backwards! (4) HEY! I got an idea! Why don't I sing a romantic song for Ryou??? (5) It's bloody freaking brilliant!" Bakura yelled happily, skipping off merrily.   
  
" A romantic song! I'd have never thought of that!" Melanie sighed. " I'm to dumb to go to collage Joey!"   
  
" No you're not! Maybe we're going about this wrong … what's your passion Melanie?"  
  
" Well, I've always liked taking pictures. When I was young my parents got me a camera and I would take thousand of pictures and make documentaries! I made one on the " Life of a Waffle" that won me an award in class!" (6)  
  
" That's it! YOU CAN BE A WAFFLE MAKER!" Joey screamed.  
  
" Don't you love karaoke?" Melanie exclaimed excitedly, bouncing up and down with excitement.  
  
" Yes Melanie," Yami Yugi sighed. " But we're not, I repeat, NOT at a karaoke restaurant!"   
  
" We soon will be," Melanie told him, winking mysteriously. Yami shook his head and took a long swig of his beer.  
  
" I thought you weren't going to drink anymore," Yugi piped up, looking annoyingly cute.   
  
" It's the only way to drown out her," Yami told him, pointing at Melanie.   
  
" OH! Liquor!" Melanie squealed, downing the Top-Shelf Margarita handed to her. Suddenly the lights in the restaurant dimmed and everyone spun around.  
  
" Oh goody! The karaoke is starting!"  
  
" Melanie, THIS ISN'T A …" Yami trailed off as Yami Bakura jumped up on the table, a ketchup bottle in his hand, wearing a burgundy jumpsuit and a matching headband with beads and ribbons attached.  
  
" This song is for my boyfriend, Ryou, in hopes to have the best damn sex ever with him again!" he announced.  
  
" You were saying?" Melanie asked Yami, sticking her tongue out at him.  
  
Bakura began to sing into his microphone- er, ketchup bottle in, what he thought, was a sexy deep voice.   
  
" I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here Your voice sounds so wonderful But your face don't look too clear So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw.  
  
Why don't we get drunk and screw I just bought a waterbed filled up for me and you They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true So, why don't we get drunk and screw?" (7)  
  
" OH BAKURA!" Ryou screamed, jumping up and kissing Bakura forcefully on the lips. " That is the most romantic thing you've ever done for me! I love you!" And the two kissed soundly once again.  
  
" OH MY GOD! It's so romantic!" Melanie screamed, grabbing a hold of Yami and using his shirt as a tissue.  
  
" I promised myself I wouldn't cry!" a now very drunk Yami Yugi sobbed. Melanie handed him back his shirt, and Yami blew his nose onto it as well.   
  
" You know, I always wanted a guy to jump up on a table a sing Uptown Girl for me!" she told him.  
  
" Why don't you tell Joey that?" Yami asked her.  
  
" Because, it has to be something he just felt he should do for me! Then I would know it was true love!"  
  
" Yes, it's everyone's dream to find a boy who'll sing " Uptown Girl" for them. That's the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime," Yami agreed. Him and Melanie sighed simultaneously.  
  
" Hey, wanna sing?" Melanie asked him.  
  
" YEAH!" Yami yelled, jumping up and grabbing his own ketchup bottle.   
  
Finally, after an hour of Melanie and Yami drunkenly singing, " Walk Like an Egyptian," Joey and the others managed to drag Melanie and Yami into the bus and pry Bakura and Ryou from each others grips.  
  
" Mel, Yami Bakura bite me!" Joey cried, showing the big teeth marks on his arms.  
  
" MERLIN! He is a vampire! I knew it!!!" Melanie screamed, pulling out her stake.  
  
" Melanie, you promised remember, no staking on the bus!" Joey scold her. Melanie put her stake away, pouting slightly.   
  
TBC ….  
  
1: I had this exact realization in the middle of a restaurant during my school trip… and I did scream loud enough so EVERYONE knew what was going on.  
  
2: My friends had to promise me one before I would stop screaming.   
  
3: A guy friend told me this once … it was kind of creepy.  
  
4: HA HA HA! The actually line, which is from Harry Potter CoS, is " Honestly, if you were any slower, you'd be going backwards.   
  
5: This is from Lion King.  
  
6: I did make a documentary with my camera titled, the Life of a Waffle, but it sadly won no awards.  
  
7: This is a Jimmy Buffett song, called " Why Don't We Get Drunk?"  
  
Next chapter: THE GANG FINALLY REACHES NEW YORK! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Will be the last chapter of THIS story, but a sequel is in the process, titled California Here We Come!!! 


	19. NEW YORK

Chapter Nineteen NEW YORK!  
Disclaimer: NOT MINE!!! A/N: This is the final chapter people, tear.  
  
" JOEY! JOEY! JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEY!" Melanie screamed, running through the diner to her beloved.  
" Does that girl have an off button?" Yami Yugi sighed angrily, still suffering from his hangover.  
" Nope!" Yugi told Yami excitedly. " She's like the energizer bunny, she keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and-" " Don't you have something worthless to go steal?" Yami Yugi snapped.  
" YOU'RE RIGHT!" Yugi yelled, and he bounced off merrily on his way. " HOLY FISHPASTE JOEY!!!" Melanie yelled finally reaching Joey's table. " I got in Joey! I GOT ACCEPTED!" " That's great sugar dumpling!" Joey screamed, jumping up and pulling Melanie into a warm embrace. " Um … accepted into what?" " Into the collage I applied for! I've been accepted into the Most Expensive University in the World (Where People Learn that Kidnapping People is Wrong)!!! Isn't that fabulous?" Melanie told him, jumping up and down. (1)  
" That is fabulous, honey bear!" Joey told her. " I KNOW!!! I leave for Chicago in about … three minutes." " Leave? So soon?" Joey asked her, as a smile ran away from his face.  
" Oh Joey, you knew I'd have to leave someday. But thanks so much for believing in me! You've been the greatest and …" Melanie leaned in a kissed (well it really wasn't a kiss … more like her and Joey's lips touched for a split second) Joey. " Bye, love." Joey stood in the middle of the diner, his mouth agape.  
" HA HA HA!" Seto laughed loudly. " THAT WAS GREAT! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" " Shut up!" Joey growled.  
  
" What kind of kiss was that?" Joey screamed angrily, once they had all pilled on the bus again.  
" Well, on a scale from one to ten, I would give that kiss a one and a half," Kaiba told him happily.  
" A one and a half?" " Yes! See you get a one cause your lips actually touched and the half cause one of you made that smooching sound!" Seto explained to him (1). Joey groaned and sunk down into his seat.  
" Oh cheer up Joey!" Tristan told him, slapping him on the back. " Why don't you give Bob that card you made him?" " OH GOOD GOLLY GEE WIZ! I forgot about my card!" Joey yelled, jumping up from his seat.  
" Bob! I made you this card!" he told the bus driver happily.  
" Well … thank you … um …" Bob said, looking at the card that had been thrust into his hand uncertainly. " Here, I will read it aloud!" Joey told him, ripping the card from Bob's hand again. " Ahem, Dear Bob! You are the bestest best bus driver in the world! You made our road trip unterrifying. I love you Bob! Sincerely, Joseph Wheeler." " Well … thanks again!" Bob repeated. The rest of the bus however broke out in a round of applause. " Oh Joey, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!" Tristan cried, clutching his handy dandy … STAPLER GUN to his chest.   
Later that night while everyone was asleep, Mokuba looked around the bus, remembering all his fond memories of the road trip. There had been the major sugar high his brother was on, Joey driving the bus, Seto making out with Alexis, Seto stripping, Elanor and Leg's singing "Billy! Don't Be a Hero!", Seto making out with Elanor, learning doors were for losers, Alexis coming back and making out with Seto again, the boys playing strip poker, Seto and Isabel watching the ring then making out, Courtney showing up, Bakura beating the Evil Toaster of Death, Seto finally getting to make out with Courtney, Melanie showing up and NOT making out with Seto but Joey, Bakura singing "Why Don't We Get Drunk?" and having the best damn sex ever with Ryou, and finally, Joey getting his one-and-a-half kiss goodbye. All in all, it had been a pretty decent vacation he thought to himself, before curling up and falling asleep himself.   
The next morning everyone was awaken by Malik's screams. " OH MY GOSH! The Statue of Liberty! Were the hell are we???" he yelled.  
" Everyone we've reached our final destination, New York," Bob told them, stopping the bus.  
  
New York. They had finally made it. There they all were, Seto, Mokuba, Joey, Ryou, Yami Bakura, Yugi, Yami Yugi, Marik, Malik, Tristan, and Katharine (Tristan's handy dandy … STAPLER GUN!!!) " Wow it's so … big!" Joey sighed.  
" I know!" Ryou whispered. They all stood in awe for another minute or two.  
" Well, I'm ready to go!" Seto announced.  
" Me too!" Joey said, and they all turned around and climbed back into the bus.  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A/N:  
Seto: That's the end?  
Smoocher of Evil: YEP! Bakura: THAT SUCKED gets evil glare of death from Smoocher I mean … THAT WAS GREAT! Best ending ever!  
Smoocher of Evil: Okay everyone, I need to ask you all something! I plan on the gang being reintroduced to some characters from this story! PLEASE TELL ME WHO YOU'D ALL LIKE TO SEE AGAIN!  
  
(1) My friend and I had this conversation together once.  
  
Next Chapter: THERE IS NO NEXT CHAPTER PEEPS! THIS IS THE END! But there will be a sequel: California Here We Come! Now, I don't want to revel to much about the next story but I will tell you this … THE GANG WILL DRIVE THROUGH CHICAGO! I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS! Thanks for the reviews!!! 


End file.
